I was over at my friend's house the other day when she logged into Facebook. The first thing she did was go to Jake's profile.
Nothing too strange there. Except for the fact that she and Jake broke up over two months ago now. The worrying part is that this isn't an isolated incident. I know a number of girls who cannot help but keep track of their ex-boyfriends on Facebook. Increasingly, I find that people are finding it hard to shut the door on their failed relationships. Often nothing good comes from it, and it only serves to prolong the post-breakup misery.
Here's what a few girls said to me:
- "I have my ex's Facebook password and I keep checking it. I hate it but I can't help myself."
- "My friend thought it would be a good idea to read to me all the wall postings on my ex's Facebook page since the breakup. I now feel confused, and I need your opinon on some of the things he wrote."
- "We broke up 2.5 months ago and he won't talk to me right now, but he pokes me on Facebook anywhere from 2-12 times a day. What does this mean?"
Before Facebook, breaking up was relatively easy. You deleted their number from your phone, and then you didn't hear from them again unless you bumped into them in person.
But now, the temptation to 'check out' what your ex is up to is almost irresistable, even if you know it's doing you no good. Of course, you could de-friend them, but the majority of people I speak to don't do this for the precise reason that they want to follow what happens to them.
More and more (and in particular for girls), we're not closing the door on our failed relationships. What do you do when they 'poke' or 'like' you after a period of time, when you thought the dust had settled? Are your past relationships affecting your current relationships, because of Facebook?