Love Tip: Sharon is correct: Her (your?) doomsday mindset is in large part responsible for a lack of success in the love department. Instead of automatically giving free reign to that belief, stop recycling the 'poor me' card and start repeating a new mantra: "I'm sick of being a victim. It's in my power to sustain a great relationship."
That objective becomes easier to achieve by looking for positive romantic role models to emulate—couples that have been together 10 years or more and are happy to share their secrets.
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5. "I love my partner. Why am I still unhappy?"
This wistful lament is familiar to anyone who has hoped that finding love can heal an inner emptiness. But the job description of a partner is to add to your life, not make your life fulfilling.
*Jenna E., 29 and single, has a history of serial monogamy. She landed in my office to work out mixed feelings about her current boyfriend. "Things seemed wonderful at first—I get such a high from being in love. But then I start not feeling as close and the person starts seeming like part of my problem." She concluded, "I don't want to leave Eric because that's what I always do. He's a good guy but things feel flat." MyDaily: How Much Fighting Is Too Much? A Couple's Guide To Fighting Fair
Love Tip: Again, alas, no easy fix but the 'solution' is to realize that happiness is an inside job. The more you look for external sources to feed you the hungrier you will be. A lover can't just be a temporary distraction from loneliness. Focus on things you love about yourself, activities that feel good, and, most important, on being able to feel good when alone. It takes work, true, but there's a big payoff!
* Names changed
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Written by Sherry Amatenstein for MyDaily