How I'm Saving My Marriage


save my marriage
When my husband requested a trial separation, I knew I needed to save our marriage.

At night, lying next to him, I stared at shadows on the ceiling and kicked the sheets around and didn't sleep. During the day, while he was at work, I felt exhausted and nauseous and distracted. My ring finger felt exposed and wrong. I tried to imagine what leaving him would be like. I tried to imagine moving on: Going on dates. Finding an apartment of my own. Making enough to pay the bills. I tried to think logistics. Would he let me take the cat we'd adopted together? Would I have to bribe him with furniture? The coffee table I'd ordered from Target? The china cabinet I'd inherited from my mother?

Sick of being alone with my thoughts, I e-mailed him, feeling that what I hadn't been able to convey verbally, I'd be better able to express in writing. "I feel as if I'm your lowest priority," I wrote, "and that, frankly, you'd rather spend time with anyone—or anything—other than me." I wrote that I had been trying to be a better wife, but that we both had to be willing to compromise. I told him that there needed to be a change, and that I wanted us to try therapy.

I waited almost two hours for his response and, when it came, I curled into myself. "We aren't a good match," it began, and my heart lurched up into my throat. "I thought we were, and maybe we were a better match in the past, but it's very clear this isn't true. Or at least I don't feel it's true anymore."

He suggested a trial separation. Divorce Or Separation? Lessons From The Cox-Arquette Split

I cried, alone, for the next four hours. I tried to think of someone to call, but I didn't want to burden anyone with this, not even my mother.

Besides, telling someone would make it real, and I didn't want to make it real. Not yet.

I waited for him to come home.

When he finally arrived, we sat on the bed beside each other, me cross-legged, him with his knees hugged up to his chest. "Well… " he said, glancing at me nervously, waiting for me to speak. I sputtered, unsure of what to say.

And then, despite all the doubts I had felt in the past—about our compatibility, about our relationship, about our future—I fought for our marriage.


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Must-see Videos
Stories we love
  • 27% of women say perfume is the beauty product that makes them feel most irresistible.