I'm Jealous Of My Stepson's Mother

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sad woman sitting on bed, man in background
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm jealous of my stepson's mom, for reasons you might not imagine.

Will I not be as special to him? Will we not be as complete as they were?

These are the thoughts that run through the head of a possibly-infertile woman as she cares (quite lovingly, mind you) for her husband and the child he shares with his ex-wife. Trying To Conceive In My 30s Isn't As Easy As I Expected

For the record, I hold zero resentment toward my stepson. He is a joy day in and day out, even when he's in the throes of his worst 7-year-old behavior. On a certain level, I have to thank her for making it possible for me to share my life and my home with such an amazing kid. It can't be easy for her to trust another woman to raise her child, and every day I try to honor that trust by doing the best I can for him.

But there is still that part of me that aches thinking she might be the only one with whom he will ever have shared all of this. She could be the only one who will ever have taken pictures of her son sleeping on this man's chest. She could be the only one whose needs as a pregnant woman were met by this man, from back rubs to crazy food cravings to just being held close. I don't want to take that away from her; I just want it for myself, too.

So there is my jealousy. It's ugly and it's sometimes bitter and it keeps me up at night and it breaks my heart. It's not her fault, it's not his fault and I don't believe it's my fault. It just is. And I really wish it wasn't.

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