The Truth About Why You're Not Married


Unhappy bridesmaids sit outside a church
A Christian writer's response to Tracy McMillan's article about why many women are still single.

You also see your primary contention with McMillan's article is that she assumes there are rational explanations for why women are still single—exact reasons they can pinpoint. Once they recognize their faults and fix whatever is hindering them—once they jump through that hoop, lose a little weight, become more outgoing, or holy, or whatever the case may be—then their future husbands will appear, and will notice them and be attracted to them because of who they are now, as opposed to who they used to be. How Much Should You Change For A Wedding?

Granted, she may be right in some cases, but relationships are rarely that easy or formulaic because love hardly ever makes sense. After all, who can find a logical explanation for the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore? Who can rationalize the fact that my best friend found her husband while she was in the Peace Corps and living in a tiny village in rural Africa? No one can, because love often defies statistics. It can't be quantified. Yet, we try. We hope for formulas, or we strategize, or we attempt to fit all our ideas of love into a tiny box. But the relationships of real life tend to resist that.


When I was living in New York, all I kept hearing from the females around me was that there were twice as many women in Manhattan as there were men, and that half of those men were gay, which made the odds of finding love even more infinitesimal. Yet, straight women in Manhattan get married every day, and I'm going to hazard a guess that some of them are bitchy. Some of them are less than perfect—some of them don't have it all figured out, because neither of those things are prerequisites for having a relationship. 4 Steps To Finding Love [VIDEO]

If they were, then nobody would be in one.

Imperfect, insecure, selfish, and downright unpleasant people get married every day because the people who marry them love them anyway. And that is a gift. Love can't be earned. It simply is.

With all of this in mind, you turn off your computer, continue with your day and figure that like many circumstances in life, there are things you can control and things that you can't. You can vow, as McMillan suggests, to be a better person and to give yourself a bit more grace because those are admiral qualities to strive for, but they won't guarantee you will find love. Even so, there is a certain bravery in trying.

As for the rest, it's all up to luck—or fate, or God, or the universe—or whatever it is outside yourself that you're inclined to believe in.  

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