Believe it or not, feeling unhappy and like you’re a victim is a way of feeling alive. It may be a negative emotion, but at least you’re feeling something. And if you get in the habit of this, it becomes a way of being….always finding something to be upset about, hurt by, insulted by, injured from, etc.
One would think that no one would choose to experience pain and drama instead of happiness and peace, but people do. And from my perspective, they choose the pain because it makes them FEEL something….and when they FEEL something, they are able to feel alive. Are You Suffering From "Post Divorce Stress Syndrome?
People who operate like this do not know how to be at peace/happy and feel alive. Being happy feels boring and mundane to them – because there is no drama going on, no intensity, no excitement, and no fevered pitch to their life.
If you or someone you know lives in a state of constant drama, trauma, chaos and suffering, it IS possible to change. It’s not going to happen overnight though. It will take time, and you will have to learn how to enjoy happiness and other positive emotions, to really feel the fullness and excitement that comes with feeling GOOD.
And of course, I’m going to share some first steps with you – the first one is to begin by noticing when you are in the drama, in the pain, in the chaos, and feeling like a victim….just notice (perhaps by saying to yourself, “Oh, here I am again, in the middle of the drama and hurt. Isn’t it interesting that I keep living in this place?”). Divorce Recovery: Are You Hanging Onto Your Anger?
By bringing your awareness to the situation, over and over again, you are raising your consciousness around your choices. You are making a mental note of how often this situation occurs in your life.
The second step, after noticing, is to tell yourself, “I can choose differently”. I can choose to be at peace and feel good.” Say this without judgment or criticism….just as you would state a fact. Say it with neutrality, so there is no harsh tone in your voice. Divorce Recovery: Moving on And Letting Go
Continue to do these two things:
1) noticing, and
2) commenting on your ability to choose. You WILL see changes beginning to take place….they may be slight at first, and then gradually they will become more significant.
The third step is to recognize when you are feeling good, and really ENJOY how it feels. Allow yourself to recognize the sweetness, the simplicity, the peace, the absence of pain and drama, and begin to identify these positive feelings as desirable, enjoyable, and pleasant. An Exercise in Forgiveness
You can change this dynamic – from being someone who “hurts so good” in order to feel alive, to someone who enjoys and even thrives on feeling great.