Breaking the biggest addiction of my life

It is safe to say that I have an addictive personality. I've struggled with several different types of addiction: drugs, alcohol, shopping, food etc. I'm pretty much by the books with a pretty stereotypical upbringing that festers addictive situations. Today marks my 3rd week of no smoking and I am so proud of myself. The cravings have significantly died down. I'm also working to kick my addiction to junk food and sweets. My body is really starting to feel lighter and my body feels less toxic (minus the 24 hour flu I had yesterday). Mentally, I feel better too. I feel happier, loving, and grateful. But, I've discovered a deeply ingrained addiction that has been with me for years. It's not widely discussed. There is help but it is never considered an addiction. I am consciously trying to get a grip but it is clearly harder to break than any addiction I've had in my life: NEGATIVE THINKING!

I have realized that negativity produces the same results as any other vice I've struggled with. When you're feeling down about a situation, you turn to N.T. to wallow in your own misery. You want others to commiserate with you too. When you're angry, N.T. lets you lose your inhibition and say hurtful and destructive things. Name calling, gossiping, or complaining can give you a brief high. But ultimately, you're angry with yourself, maybe even guilty for your actions and how you feel. Other feelings like jealousy and resentment act the same way. It can affect every aspect of your life: relationships with friends, family, coworkers and spouses. And the end results can leave a path of destruction like any other addict. N.T. also alienates you from everyone especially those who don't want to be sucked into your black hole of despair. No one wants to be around the Debbie Downer. N.T. can be so debilitating leading to personal, profeessional or financial problem. It can even lead to death (suicide).

Bottom line, negative thinking is a mental addiction. Even as I feel a positive shift in my life and mental outlook, I still find myself falling back into old habits of negative thinking. But by bringing awareness, I'm trying to fight it like an addiction. I've had this for a very long time. In high school, it was cool to "talk shit" and gossip behind people's backs or start rumors. I was both perpetrator and victim of this. When I would say something mean or humiliate someone else I felt cool and witty but you internalize those words or actions almost like second hand smoke. As an adult, I still get caught up in petty gossip. I dwell on the woe-is-me attitude at times. Sometimes I even call my mom to unload all the crummy things going on in my life. I might feel lighter by letting things out and not bottling them up but they are still there. The more down I feel, the meaner I become.