As a mom and a sex educator, I get asked a lot of sex questions my friends wouldn't dare ask their own moms. Here are my 10 tips for keeping things hot and spicy even when life may be dishing out cold and bland.
1. Express Yourself
Talk and learn about what you like. Don't expect to get it right away, but be patient. Ask what your partner enjoys. If you are not together, send little love notes or questions via e-mail or text that he can read on breaks. If he tells you that you text too much (whoops!), give him a call and leave a sexy message. If you don't want to talk about your fantasies yet, write them down for yourself. Words are incredibly sexy, you may find ways to use them like this mom did!
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When your lover talks about what he enjoys, or what he did today, or what he is passionate about, pay attention. Put down your smart phone, stop multitasking and stop going over your mental to-do list. I've noticed that my lover pays excellent attention when I tell him about my wants and needs. It feels so good to have someone care enough to listen and hear your thoughts and desires.
3. Be Present
When you are together, stay in the moment—don't let your mind wander too far from what is important and where you are. When your mind is wandering, it seems like you are not paying attention or interested in your partner. If you are distracted, let him know so he will not take your inattention personally.
4. Don't Make Assumptions
Try not to project your thoughts or insecurities on your partner. Ask about his feelings and wait for an answer. If you're in the habit of finishing each other's sentences, stop!
Touch is insanely powerful; this is something massage therapists, moms and sensory junkies all agree on. If your partner enjoys your touch, explore and experiment! Steal a quick kiss on a cheek or neck, hold hands for a moment, rub his feet or have him scratch your back. Touch yourself; put a glove on for a different sensations.