Trying To Conceive In My 30s Isn't As Easy As I Expected

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upset woman looking at pregnancy test
My husband and I are trying to conceive. It's not going as planned.

My husband and I are trying to conceive. He's 33, I'm 32 and, despite our best attempts, we have not been successful at the pregnancy game. We eat healthy, drink only in moderation and are generally fit, so theoretically there should be no problems. And yet, month after month, we've been disappointed. 

He has a 7-year-old son, so we know he's working quite properly. So it would seem that all signs point to me as the one with a problem.

 

And that kind of sucks.

A lot.

I don’t know about other women, but I've got a good bit of my self-identity tied up in my ability to produce a child. I realize that this directly contradicts my position as a feminist and a modern woman but, really, when you see all your friends popping out babies left and right with hardly any effort, you start to wonder, "What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Am I a failure as a woman? What did I do to deserve this?"

It's not right and it's not fair and it's a damning mindset left over from some evolutionary stage we have long since passed, but it's where I'm at now. I want a baby. I want one like nobody's business. Planning For Kids Is Futile

So far, I have had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), which has shown that one tube is clear and the other is possibly blocked, or just in the middle of a spasm. I've also had a blood test done to determine whether or not I'm ovulating, which I am. So now what?

Well, the next step is another HSG (which I do not look forward to because, in all honesty, the last one hurt) and testing for my husband. After that, if we find no answers, then my most plausible option is IVF, which I cannot afford and which my insurance won't cover. So I'm very limited as far as what can be done, and I'm feeling frustrated. Adoption Or IVF: Do We Have To Decide?

The bright spot is that I have, for the first time, a doctor who takes my concerns seriously and is aggressively looking for a solution that will work for me. In my previous marriage, which lasted 9 years, I had two doctors who reminded me that I was getting older, and who then told me that the cost of testing would be prohibitive and out of my reach. That was less than inspiring, and definitely less than helpful.

Of course, in retrospect, that may have been for the best. My first marriage would have been a toxic one in which to raise a child, and I spent my 20s floundering for stability, both financially and emotionally. In my 30s, I am secure and in a relationship that could be perfect for raising a child. So maybe now, with the combination of a healthy marriage, a supportive doctor and some semblance of stability in my life, the time is finally right. Maybe the universe is finally giving me some signs that now is the time.

Now if someone would just tell my uterus, we would be all set.