Living Outside of the Alleged "Norm"

Realizing you care for more than one person above a friendship level is an odd realization and hard to deal with as long as society's rules loom over your head. If you ask most people the question, “Can you love more than one person?” The almost immediate answer is “No” and after hearing that long enough you begin to think, “Is something wrong with me? Is my wiring off?” and you also begin to question how you feel about the people in your life because if ‘it’s impossible to care about them both’ (or however many) you might start to wonder if you truly love them at all. 

But all of that halted for me one day quite a few years ago when, during an online discussion, out of my mouth comes the phrase, “Why can you love 5 children, all of your family but only one partner?” that line stopped an entire chat room. A few tried to say, “Well it’s a different type of love.”

My reply was, “Ok but how does that compute into having a number limit?”

No response to that. So that’s what got my little brain spinning. It made no sense logically.

I think most people have at least had that one friend where the line blurred. That friend where you’d drop almost anything if they needed you and if something happened to them, you know it would hurt a lot more than it would to lose some of your other friends. We don’t like to admit or think on these things but it exists all the same.

We are told from the cradle that intimate love is only for two so stepping out of that can be more than some can handle. We are told to sacrifice for love so if your partner doesn’t like to dance and has problems with you dancing with another then it is something you just have to give up… to me that is asinine and a recipe for disaster. (Is it any wonder some feel the need/desire to cheat?) How many things like that can you give up before you are miserable? What is so wrong with finding someone else to do it with? To me, part of loving someone means helping them be happy, giving them things not taking things away.  

So that is where the concept of Polyamory comes in. At its core is simply the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The above is not a complex principle if you think about it. The hard part comes into play when dealing with a new heightened level of honesty and communication, and when you have the people closest to you not able to wrap their minds around it or even willing to try to do so. It like any other age old debate. Stay at home mom or working mom. Which is better? There is no clear cut answer to that because every family and every 'mom' has different needs.

Realizing this is when I decided that I had to do what worked for me.