MOVING ON

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Love, Self

OUT OF BAD RELATIONSHIP AND SCARED TO MOVE ONTO SOMETHING NEW

I AM IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING OUT OF A REALLY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WHERE I PRACTICALLY WORSHIPPED THE MAN AND WAS BASICALLY AT HIS BECK AND CALL.  HE WALKED AWAY FROM HIS 2ND WIFE AND 3 CHILDREN AND HE IS REFUSING TO MOVE ON AND WANTS ME TO WAIT UNTIL HE CAN OVERCOME HIS GRIEF ABOUT THIS.  AND, HONESTLY I DON'T THINK HE IS EVER GOING TO MOVE ON AND I AM WASTING MY TIME BY WAITING FOR HIM.  HE SAYS THAT HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY BUT HOW CAN HE WHEN POINT BLANK...HE IS ALL SCREWED IN HIS HEAD.  AND, I THINK HE IS REALLY MY FIRST LOVE BUT I CANNOT SAVE HIM AND I WOULD BE TOTALLY STUPID TO WAIT AROUND FOR HIM.  NO MATTER WHAT HE IS GOING TO CAUSE HIS OWN MISERY AND I KNOW THIS.  IN THE BEGINNING I THOUGHT THERE WAS HOPE FOR HIM BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT HE HAD JUST BEEN USING ME AND I DESERVE MUCH BETTER.  I HAVE MUCH TO OFFER ALONG WITH A HEART OF GOLD AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR ME TO PUT MYSELF FIRST.   THE THING IS THAT I HAVE MET SOME ONE ELSE. WE HAVEN'T HAD OUR FIRST DATE YET BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS MAN AND I COULD REALLY CLICK AND I AM SCARED TO DEATH TO DO ANYTHING TO SCREW IT UP.  I WOULD LIKE TO BE CHRISTIAN CARTER'S PERFECT STUDENT AND KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE EVERYTHING.  I JUST WENT THROUGH SO MUCH CRAP WITH MY FIRST LOVE THAT I AM ACTUALLY SCARED THAT I AM UNLOVABLE AND THIS NEW MAN WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE ALL THE GOOD IN ME.  I DON'T WANT TO RUSH THINGS, I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE WRONG THING.  I JUST WANT TO LET GO AND RELAX.  IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE MY FIRST LOVE HAS NO IDEA THAT I AM MOVING ON AND I KNOW THAT HE WILL BE SURPRISED WHEN I TELL HIM.  THE FACT IS THAT I NEED A MAN TO  LOVE ME-THE GOOD , THE BAD, AND THE UGLY.  I DESERVE TO HAVE ALL OF A MAN-NOT JUST THE BITS AND PIECES!!!

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