Are You Really Not In the Mood?

Lila here~   A funny thing happens when you’ve been with the same person for a really long time.  Even if you still like them a lot, you may find that you’re just not that into having sex with them… or so you think.  Your libido may be waning, or there are too many other details on your mind between work and managing the home, or the kids are clamoring for attention; there are plenty of excuses not to have sex.

    The truth is that it’s not about any of those excuses. The fact is that even though Cherry Garcia is your all-time favorite ice cream, some days you want mint chocolate chip instead.  No matter how great your partner is, you have to mix things up to keep sex exciting.  It’s just how humans are wired.  Many different studies have shown that humans are naturally monogamous for three to seven years.  Beyond that, monogamy is a choice. 

     It’s also a lot of work, in my experience.  Part of the reason it’s a lot of work is because we cling to the illusion that when we love someone, we’ll always remain “in love” with them.  We think we’re supposed to maintain that initial blush of lust, or at least some of it, throughout all the years of our relationship.  Ultimately it’s a good thing that we don’t maintain that initial blush of lust, because that’s an immature form of love.  It’s unsustainable over the long term because it’s fueled by hormones whose purpose is to ensure we procreate. 

     Even for men, who are generally more interested in having sex and require less of a connection to get it on, being in a long term relationship can stifle the desire to have sex (at least with your current partner).

     A deeper love bond forms over time, especially when both partners commit to being conscious in the relationship. It takes a lot of work, but it’s worth it.  It takes a commitment to communicate openly and honestly, to look at all aspects of yourself and try to be your best in each moment, and it takes a commitment to engage in the physical aspects of the relationship.