Life is always giving us opportunities to grow and evolve, right? Ever the introspective one, I’m always attempting to look within, challenge my beliefs systems, and heal my wounds by being radically honest and self-aware. I had the opportunity recently to connect intimately with a potential partner. For several reasons, I decided that it was going to be several months before we had sex. Of course, there were times when I was hot and bothered and I rationalized how several weeks rather than months would be sufficient for our self-imposed abstinence. Of course, at times, I was so incredibly aroused I was willing to say, “To hell with weeks, days, hours, or minutes, I need you inside me NOW!” Calmer heads prevailed and we didn’t have sex. I’m fortunate that we didn’t because I subsequently learned that he was not anywhere near the quality and caliber of man that I was looking for in a partner and sex would have not only made me more intimately bonded to him, it also would have made it virtually impossible (or, more accurately, extremely difficult) for me to break that bond when he revealed his true, disingenuous colors. In our erotic exploration, however, I learned a few things about myself and my erotic needs.
I have a clear vision of what I want, crave, and need from a lover. AfroerotiK is not just my company, my brand, a vehicle for my writing, it is my philosophy. AfroerotiK is how I live my life. My lover, the man who will ultimately get to share my body in ways that few will ever tastes the pleasures of, is someone who does not feel the need to degrade me during sex. While I understand clearly that the prevalence of porn and women who have been socialized to be objects creates an almost understated forgone conclusion that women will want to be called a bitch, whore, and a slut during sex, that we will want to be pounded, slapped, and made to suck dick, gag, and willingly accept cum on our faces or down our throats and enjoy it, there are some of us, at the very least I am absolutely NOT aroused by or interested in any such treatment. That doesn’t mean that I need slow and gentle lovemaking with candles burning and Teddy Pendergrass playing every time in the background. I just need the simple acknowledgment that he understands that my body is a gift to him and that I don’t feel any arousal at being objectified, used, or humiliated. I love getting fucked. In fact, I adore the concept of my lover being so incredibly aroused that he is driven to fits of almost maniacal lust inside me. My lover will not need to spank, slap, restrain or call me names during sex. That means that I want him to see me as the special, unique, and wonderful woman I am. I cannot and will not tolerate being called names in the heat of passion in order to appease a male ego that needs to degrade women in order to feel arousal.