8 Reasons To Finally Let Go Of Your Ex

By Denise Ngo. Posted on Feb 4th 2011.

Break Up With Your Ex: why cutting ties with your ex is so important.

Relationship coach and YourTango expert Jennifer Tardy agrees: "If you are not focusing on yourself, how will you ever know what you need in order to heal?"

3. To avoid idealizing your ex or the relationship.
When you're feeling the pain of a failed relationship it's easy to remember the good times and overlook your ex's imperfections. "If you hold onto the past, you might put your ex on a pedestal that they don't deserve to be on," says YourTango expert and dating coach Julie Spira. "As a result, you're not completely open to a healthy new relationship when you haven't completely closed the door on the past."

Not only do we tend to idealize an ex once they're gone, but we also overemphasize the importance of that relationship. Just because something was meaningful doesn't mean it has to be permanent; loving each other doesn't mean you're right for each other.

4. To avoid ex sex.
Sex with an ex is familiar and easy, but according to YourTango Expert and therapist Mary Jo Rapini, "If your reasons [for having sex] are more about soothing your loneliness or feeling like a couple again, the chances are high that this is temporary filler."

In the same way that new relationships have a honeymoon stage, many reinvigorated relationships begin on a doomed high. "The couple usually gets along better at this time than they did when they were married or together," says Rapini. "The relationship has a heightened sense of energy and sexuality. The lust and excitement you feel during this phase will soon fade as all of the old issues begin to surface again."

Tardy agrees: "When you take your ex back, you also risk taking back the pain, frustration and other emotions you've suffered previously. This is a high risk, especially if you've already made it to the point where you can go without crying over them." 10 Celebrities Who Need to Break Up With Their Exes

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