Iran To Ban Valentine's Day

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Valentine's Day
The Ayatollah is cracking down on Cupid's February 14th birthday celebration.

The nation of Iran (officially the Islamic Republic of Iran) has officially taken a stance against Western stuff for decades. And when I say "Western stuff" I don't must mean John Wayne, snap-button shirts with a Texas motif and dappled Appoloosas. I'm talkin' Chevrolet, Britney Spears and Nabokov novels. And now they're taking aim at your hearts: our paper hearts, our candy hearts, our chocolate hearts and our heart-shaped vibrators. How To Transform Your Love Life By Valentine's Day

Per Reuters, the Ayatollah is being a real ass-a-hola this Valentimes [sic]. The story goes that the Revolutionary Guard, the Prince of Persia or whoever runs that place has banned to production and sale of Valentine's Day items. You'd guess that a group of individuals who regularly chant "Death Tomb Erica" would probably not dig something so quintessentially western, capitalistic and weirdly optimistic as V-Day (not to mentioned named after a Christian saint). Who Started Valentine's Day Anyway?

The silver lining is that maybe, like the Koreans, the Iranians may start celebrating their own holiday with increased vigor: "Some nationalists have suggested replacing Valentine's Day with "Mehregan," an Iranian festival celebrated since the pre-Islamic era. Mehr means friendship, affection or love."Interesting that they have one word that means friendship, affection and love when the three are mutually exclusive in English.

If the Supreme Counsel thinks that this will go over so easy, they've another thing coming. Big Oil, the CIA and the Illuminati are pushovers compared to Hallmark and the lesser members of the greeting card cartel. Think about it, have you ever been to a strip mall without a greeting card store? Don't we ridicule children in part because of how pathetic homemade cards are? We'll see if this sparks regime change.

Do you think we all should just write off Valentine's Day as a chance for various industries to bilk lovesick fools? Or should we let the happily love keep rubbing it in everyone else's faces for decades?

Think about giving a friend or loved one Sexy Slang's Bedroom Challenges for V-Day, that'll show the oppressors.

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