How To Have A Healthy Argument

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parents fighting in front of son
Arguing is no fun, but there are ways to make it less damaging.

Consider what you’re really upset about. I find that most of the time, if I'm upset, it has to do with something other than my spouse—money, stress, health or frustration with something that has happened in my life. I always ask myself what I'm really mad about and, most of the time, it's not something my spouse has done or said.

Remember who you're talking to. It always helps me to remember that the person I'm talking to is my life partner and best friend, the person who has stood by me through thick and thin and who has the best of intentions toward me. When I have that in my mind, I am almost always able to speak with gentleness and respect. 

Don't make assumptions. One of the biggest traps couples fall into is assuming something that is false. If you're not sure your spouse did something on purpose, meant something in a hurtful way or purposely neglected to do something, you shouldn't jump to that conclusion. I always tell myself that my husband deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Keep your children in mind. The arguments that couples have affect not only them, but also their children. Any child who lives with both parents will witness some parental disagreements. It's inevitable. But if you handle disagreements using the tips above, you will do several things for your children: How To Fight In Front Of Your Children

  • You will teach them that it's important to speak to others with respect, no matter what the situation.
  • You will show them it's possible to disagree without hating each other and becoming nasty.
  • You will avoid a situation where the house is filled with anger, something that adversely affects children because they subconsciously accept all anger as being directed at them, even if they are not involved.
  • You will give them the tools they need to talk to people they care about in a way that will help them resolve problems.
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