Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book "Sealing The Deal" tells us how to change negative dating patterns.
Killer Belief #5: This Is Not It
Other variations on this theme:
• It's not perfect.
• This does not match the image I had.
• This is not the way it is supposed to be.
• This is not my happily-ever-after
• He's not my soul mate prince.
• He doesn't look like my type, which is (fill in the blank).
• He's not good enough
• There's not enough chemistry.
• We're not a good match.
• We're going in different directions.
• This relationship isn't working.
• I am not willing to settle for less than my perfect relationship.
• This is not what I expected love to be like (look like) (feel like).
The killer belief "this is not it" tends to create fears of settling for a relationship that is not like the script in your head. You have a fantasy, Technicolor version of the ideal relationship cobbled together from childhood images, fairy tales, romance movies and the like. The reality of what is happening now with your boyfriend does not match that picture. There is a great deal of anxiety about trusting the relationship and/or if he is really good enough. When he wants to move forward into a deeper commitment, you tend to pull back.
Warning Signs: You have never actually seen a real-life (movies and TV don't count) couple living out the totally fulfilling happily-ever-after relationship that you are going to have with your soulmate. You haven't met him yet, but you (kind of) believe he's coming and it's all going to happen one day.
Next: Killer Belief #6