Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book "Sealing The Deal" tells us how to change negative dating patterns.
Killer Belief #4: Love Is Too Difficult
Other variations on this theme:
• The price for love is too high.
• It's too painful.
• It could be angry, explosive and dangerous.
• I have to tip toe around in my relationship.
• I'll never get what I really want.
• I've seen what people go through and they end up miserable anyway.
• Love means suffering.
• Breakups damage you.
• You can never recover from a breakup.
• Relationships can cause you physical or emotional harm.
• We bring out the worst in each other.
This killer belief tends to fuel fears of being damaged or damaging to your partner. It is common when there has been anger and verbal or physical abuse in your upbringing or if you have an explosive temper yourself. The fear is that it is not safe to be in a close, intimate relationship—for you and/or for your partner. Sometimes this fear is unconscious and you can't really understand why people would make remarks like, "I have to walk on eggshells around you." On a conscious level you are painfully aware that somehow or other you manage to break free of any relationship with a future in it.
Warning Signs: If you are honest with yourself, you have to admit that you need to control your own over-the-top emotionality and drama. You need a relationship with a steady and empowered guy who gives you the sense that drama from either one of you will not be allowed to burst out and ruin things.
Next: Killer Belief #5