Does Jersey Shore Have Toxoplasmosis? Do You?

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Jersey Shore Snooki and The Situation
Could a parasite be causing the Shore to get crazy?

Without sounding mean, I think we can all agree that the cast members of Jersey Shore are nothing but dirty sluts and semi-literate meatheads. And, with all due respect, they really do give people from New Jersey, and those of Italian heritage, a bad name. And, no offense, but anyone who watches is explicitly encouraging their lifestyle and actively contributing to the downfall of society. What does this have to do with toxoplasmosis?

Toxoplasmosis is caused by exposure to the Toxoplasma Gondii parasite. For the most part, you pick up the parasite from cats—particularly their feces, and/or their contaminated food/water. It's particularly dangerous for those with compromised immune systems and children in utero. And it can make you a crazy person.

 

While scientists haven't made a lot of concrete conclusions about the parasite, anecdotal evidence suggests it affects decision-making strongly. And the scuttlebutt around town says that men with toxoplasmosis tend to make riskier decisions, exhibit more jealousy and have slower reactions. Women with high levels of that cat stuff also share the slow reactions, as well as increasinged promiscuousness. On top of that, if a man has it, it's likely that his partner does as well, and mothers can pass the infection on to their child. Frankly, it sounds like a combination of Red Bull, vodka, yayo and pure Italian-American testosterone.

Let's review: A number of the Jersey Shore cast members do seem to react pretty slowly in times of pressure. The randy (and seemingly scrappy) J Woww was roughed up by the slightly more demure Sammi when it came to the scrapping. Snooki was clocked by that guy and didn't even react, and Angelina didn't even seem to realize she missed the entire second half of the first season. The dudes—The Situation, Vinnie, Ronnie, et cetera*—regularly make aggressively bad decisions, or even badly aggressive decisions, and we'll all be shocked if one of them doesn't take a tumble off the back of a motorbike. 10 Ridiculous Jersey Shore Love Quotes

So your friend who likes to sleep around may not actually hate her dad, and that dude who regularly scraps because some other yoked brah stared down your plunging neckline may not be completely coked-up or juiced-out. 5 Jersey Shore Dating Tips We'd Actually Use

I'm just wondering if this is the first stage of an alien invasion. If so, it was genius to put it in cat poo. What are we doing letting animals defecate in our homes?

*Note: You'll notice that Pauly D was not mentioned in this article; it's because everything he does is perfect.