What To Do When (Surprise!) Your Fiance Is Gay

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Men hugging in a shopping mall
He came out and she wrote a book about it.

Kiri Blakeley was one of the enviable ones. Happily ensconced in a giving, loving,10-year relationship she marveled at her luck while watching the rest of her New York City gal friends tried to negotiate the waters of the meet-and-greet market.

Until the night her fiance cried gay. 

 

And with one swift drop-kick into his sexually-confused reality, Kiri found her once stable life blurred into some kind of unrecognizable parallel universe she'd previously thought existed only in the tabloids. MyDaily: I Broke Up With My Boyfriend Because He Refused To Dance

Through all the ensuing heartache, however, this Forbes reporter somehow managed to chronicle her journey from total confusion to moderate clarity and the result is her newly released book, Can't Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed-Up Love.

So how does a gal redefine her life and the meaning of trust after learning that the person she'd loved the most had been living a lie?

MyDaily: How exactly did your fiance drop the "I'm gay" bombshell?
Kiri: So I'm getting ready for bed one night in my bedroom and my fiance Aaron* [name changed for privacy] called me into the living room and said we needed to talk. He said "I think I'm having confusion about my sexuality." I kind of went "Ha!" -- a laugh/scream hybrid because I didn't know if he was joking or what. But then he started to cry and I knew this was serious. We started talking about it, and the thing he told me was that he was having fantasies about men which I said I thought was probably somewhat normal but then it became clear that he wanted to explore these fantasies and all at once I got this sick feeling that our relationship was done. Needless to say it was an extremely difficult evening for me...and he definitely slept on the couch that night. MyDaily: Is "Marital Leave" The Key To A Happy Marriage?

When the light of day hit, did you think maybe it had all just been a bad dream?
In the morning after he'd gone to work, I got it into my head to go into his computer to see what I could find. There was a part of me that still didn't believe this was happening. I'd called a friend of mine who was homosexual and he suggested that Aaron, who was 36, was a bit too old to "come out" and that maybe he just wanted to be single and was using this as an excuse. Plus, he just didn't remotely seem gay. So I needed proof to figure this out. He'd given me his password a long time ago, but I'd never used it. I'd had no reason until that day. Anyway, all of a sudden his password came to me and it worked and what I saw next was a flood of gay porn, naked pictures of himself he'd been sending to men, and in his browser history there were M-for-M craigslist personal ads. I called him at work and said "You've been cheating on me!" and he was silent and that's when I knew he'd been answering the ads. I asked him how long this had been going on and he admitted for two years. That is a long time to have no idea that your fiance was cheating on you actively. MyDaily: Blue Monday, The Saddest Day Of The Year, Approacheth

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Written by Kimberly Dawn Neumann for MyDaily