Episode two of The Bachelor hits the ground running and doesn't stop until the last rose is pried out of Brad's cold, dead hands.
Wasting no time, the first date card goes to a perky dentist named Ashley. After a creepy drive down a spooky dirt road, Brad and his paramour channel their inner carnies with a private night at a carnival, complete with a Ferris wheel and cotton candy. But instead of wolfing down elephant ears, they inhale each other's tongues (after an appropriate amount of flirting, that is).
In short, they hit it off. When they have a heart to heart about how their dads weren't around when they were kids, Brad almost cries. But he manages to keep it together.
Meanwhile, a second date card arrives with 15 names on it. Alas, the girls are not happy. Especially Michelle, the hair stylist from Salt Lake City. It’s her 30th birthday and a date with 15 other ladies is not the gift she was hoping for. 10 Dating Mindsets Sabotaging Your Love Life
Brad and the gals do a commercial shoot for the American Red Cross to encourage people to give blood. All of the scenes "require" kissing, which the ladies have no trouble with. In fact, it almost seems like some of the girls are intentionally messing up just to sneak in a little more tongue.
Britt and Chantal have a threesome with Brad (posing as a vampire, naturally). And do they ever suck face. The other ladies get totally grossed out. Especially Michelle (It’s her birthday, remember?) So, she takes off. Don’t worry, Brad makes it all better and gives her the rose.
The next day, Jackie gets a one-on-one date with the Bradster. He takes her on what he calls a Pretty Woman experience. He's obviously never seen that movie, because instead of paying for hot sex on a piano, they get gussied up and go to the Hollywood Bowl to eat a fancy dinner on the stage. She drops a bomb on Brad when she tells him that she’s only dated two guys in her entire life. He thinks this lack of commitment might make her cut and run, but he still gives her the rose. Then Train, that "Hey, Soul Sister" band, gives them a concert. Just the two of them. How weird must that have been for Train? (And, of course, Brad and Jackie totally make out.)
The next night, it’s cocktail party time! Before Brad can even give a toast, Michelle snags him away. Clearly, she has something pressing to ask him.
She’s asks him if he prefers Starbucks or Coffee Bean. (He prefers Starbucks). Oh-kaaay.
Brad then sits down with Emily, the gorgeous blonde. They coo over one another and Brad cannot believe how wonderful his life and this party are. Meanwhile, Melissa starts a fight with Raichel. Some girls just can't handle their rose ceremonies.
They both start crying, so Brad sits down with Melissa and tries to calm her down without showing too much affection, because it's clear that he's just not that into her. Especially when she tells him not to mind her stinky onion breath from the four slices of pizza she snarfed down earlier. He then moves on to Raichel, also crying. (When did Brad become Dr. Phil?)