Were We Born to Be Monogamous?

Monogamy is quite the controversial topic these days. On one hand, we adore the ideal of a sexually satisfying monogamous marriage. On the other hand, men and women are finding this goal increasingly difficult to follow. Politicians and sports figures offer examples of the challenges of monogamy on an almost daily basis. And the statistics speak for themselves – about half of marriages end in divorce, and some experts suggest that over 50 percent of men and women have had an extramarital affair. Of those marriages that remain intact, it is estimated that a full 20 percent are sexless, meaning that they have sex less than six times a year.

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At a time when monogamy is the it subject in Hollywood movies, genConnect experts Dr. Marianne Brandon and Dr. Alan Altman tackle the hot topic and whether we were born to be monogamous. For more details, contact events@genConnect.com.

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These are harsh numbers, and they give us some indication of the amount of emotional pain and turmoil that intimate relationships bring to people’s lives. They beg the question – are we really meant for monogamy? Having just celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary, I find this question fascinating.

Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that anthropologists and zoologists have been telling us for decades that less than 3 percent of mammals are naturally monogamous. Wow. Nonetheless, there is some variability in the tendency toward monogamy, in that some men and women have a harder time being faithful than others. What makes monogamy easier for some people?

This is a great question that scientists are working hard to figure out, and the answer is quite complex. First of all, there is probably a genetic component to monogamy. That is, some people are just genetically wired to find monogamous intimacy more pleasing, and thus easier to achieve. Of course, there are physiological factors that play a role as well. For example, people with higher testosterone levels may have a harder time remaining monogamous. Then there are personality variables – traits like impulsivity can negatively impact a person’s attempts at fidelity, while conscientiousness can positively impact this goal. Of course, without opportunity, a person cannot stray. Modern technology, such as the Internet and cell phones have changed the face of monogamy in just the last few decades by providing opportunities for affairs unlike anything humans have experienced in history.