Oral Sex Should Be Less Kung Fu, More Tai Chi

Sexpert Dr. Ian Kerner calls on martial arts to teach men about good oral sex for women.

By Meghan Beresford — Written on Jan 10, 2011

Photo: ThinkStock

From the Department of Unexpected Sex Tips: A New York-based sexpert insists that men can improve their oral sex skills by comparing their cunnilingus style to martial arts.

Excellent. Is Bruce Lee what we want our partners thinking about while they're riding the southbound train?

As renowned sexpert Ian Kerner wrote recently, many men take an overly aggressive approach to oral sex that leaves their partners groaning in annoyance instead of moaning in ecstasy.

Kerner explains: "Kung fu has come to mean a style of rapid punches, sharp kicks and chopping blows. If you watch a lot of porn (and a lot of people do these days), you would think that female satisfaction relies on a 'kung fu' approach to pleasuring. Tai chi, on the other hand, is slow, focused and graceful, with an emphasis on the balance of yin/yang -- male/female energy -- to create a harmony of movement and strength."

We're not crazy about the fact that female pleasure has to be framed in terms of bloodsports for guys to get it, but Kerner does have a point.

He says, "Giving expert oral pleasure requires learning appropriate techniques and then applying them consistently over time in a focused, patient, and loving manner; most importantly, it requires respecting, sharing and participating wholly in the erotic intimacy of the moment."

Kerner's approach emphasizes slow, sensual movement and continued physical connection, instead of the "the lack of consistent, rhythmic pressure" and "the mad stampede for the clitoris" that he says characterize many men's approaches to oral intimacy. He suggests a technique he calls The Mount Method.

"Both men and women have a mount: a man’s is the area of his upper lip just above your teeth known as the maxilla, while hers is the center of the pubic bone, where there is a slight cradle into which your mount naturally fits. Connecting your respective mounts and maintaining that persistent connection throughout the process of arousal is essential to mind-blowing oral pleasure."

Slow, steady pressure, and focused attention on what the female wants? We see why Dr. Kerner's a sex guru. The tai chi metaphor still makes us giggle, but frankly, we'd explain sex in terms of Nintendo games, if it meant getting great action in the bedroom.

Kerner explains that his method is a response to the overwhelming body of research suggests that women respond more quickly and positively to light, consistent external touch than aggressive or inconsistent techniques. He cites studies by respected sources Alfred Kinsey and The Joy of Sex author, Dr. Alex Comfort, in backing up his approach.