So, as blurred and hard as it is to identify, I didn't let it stop me anymore. I drew the line between my heart and my instincts; my line, the one I was willing to live with. I ended things completely with my ex. It was just like ripping off the band-aid. I got it over with and moved on. I knew the road ahead was filled with tears. But with great friends, and my faith that God would not put on me more than I could bear, I made it me through.
During those three years, I learned all about what a real relationship isn't. A real relationship isn't making the other person feel inferior so you feel powerful. It isn't yelling to get your point across. And it definitely isn't selfishness or self-centeredness. After A Breakup, Anger Hard To Shake
More from YourTango: Striving For An Equal Marriage? That May Be Why It's Failing
Looking back things are always clearer, but that's the beauty of hindsight. You never see the bigger picture in the midst your battles, and maybe that's the way God intends for it to be. Maybe that's how God chooses to help us learn and grow, distinguish between our heart and our gut, teach us what we need in a relationship. Maybe that's how our pain, whether spiritual, emotional, mental, or physical, is healed by God's unconditional love.
When I met my husband, I had a new approach to love and dating. I drew that line ahead of time. I wasn't going to allow my heart control this relationship too quickly. I told myself I wasn't going to get attached and fall for this guy right away. I wanted to find out exactly who he was before I made any big decisions. I wanted to find out if he was a Christian and believed as I do. Attending to Your Marriage: A Resource for Christian Couples
I made the effort that was needed to create a healthy friendship, and then that friendship blossomed into a wonderful relationship. My faith grew, and ours together. I found out what genuine love is from my husband. He helped me see that God is love, and we can never know true love apart from Him. One of our favorite verses is from 1 John: "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (4:12, NIV). As my faith grew, and as my love for my future husband grew, I knew that warm, tingly feeling I felt inside was the real deal.
Today, I can't believe I even considered marrying my ex, because it never would have worked out. I know now that marriage is hard. Period. It can sometimes get boring and lose its feeling of specialness. You have to fight through those spells with your partner and not allow emotions to instantly blind you. If I had married my ex, the marriage would have eventually collapsed. Our differences would have created more work than we would have been able to invest, and the d-word would have been lurking around every corner. #1 Predictor Of Divorce
So make the effort from the beginning to nurture your relationships. Make the decision ahead of time not to let your heart pull you in too deep, toward a place you've decided you never want to be. Pursue what matters most; a God-given love—a love that is everything it's supposed to be, everything you want it to be.
More from YourTango: Please, Put Down Your Dating Checklist Already
Draw the line. If you do, you'll have a better, healthier relationship because of it.