Can You Receive Touch without Giving?

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Can You Receive Touch without Giving?
Can you soak and revel in a kiss?

We are all familiar with alternate giving when it involves foot rubs, massage and oral honoring of a partner. But, who ruled that we always have to each be kissing each other at the same time?

My intimate partner and I choose to incorporate alternate kissing into our tantric play. Imagine your lover gently, slowly, sweetly kissing your heart, neck, face and mouth while you just soak in the sensation and love energy of the moment. Can you be with the exquisite sensations and just be still?

It is a wonderful discipline (blissipline) to practice stillness as you simply allow yourself to be pleasured in love, showered in love, covered in love. Can you grant your lover the joy of devotional service? In the words of the prophet Bob Marley – “can you be love?”.

At times I communicate enjoyment with sound or movement and at times I return to stillness and focus completely on what is happening right now. I know that it’s often a reflex to kiss lips that are kissing our own. I offer the suggestion to simply allow the sensation and the gifting of being kissed without returning kisses. How much love and affection can you take in? Notice if you get impatient or feel a need to give back. Without judging your response, can you allow a shift into greater peace and just be?

We also sometimes exchange breath without an actual kiss. While in intimate communion and stillness and holding our lips together my lover breathes in my out breath and I then breathe in her out breath. This is deeply intimate and bonding. Neither “takes” the breath from the other, but lets the breath/prana be freely given. For me it is a way to deeply connect with the life force and gifting and to be “in sync” with my partner.
Another fun and deepening exercise is to receive more actively. What I mean is that one partner can formally be the receiver while actively communicating what he/she likes and what he/she wants differently about the touch. This can encompass the entire body or just an area like the limbs or feet or genitals. I find it helpful to use positive statements with the feedback as much as possible. Such as: “the pressure of the pads of your fingers pressing that muscle right there is nice AND would you slow the speed of you hands for me. Oh just right, thanks". Notice the “and” in that statement. “And” is a much gentler word than “but” in this setting.


I encourage you to practice feeling into just how well you can let love enter your heart. Notice what it is to go deeper into your ability to receive.


The author, Corey, is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach. He teaches workshops and offers private coaching sessions in person and by phone/Skype. He lives in San Diego, CA and welcomes invitations to teach in other communities. Subscribe to his blogs at www.tantracore.wordpress.com and www.corerelationship.com - Resources for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing emotional and sexual intimacy. You’ll find articles on Sex & Intimacy and Sacred Relationship as well as Tantric practice. 

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