Before coming together with my woman, I make time for some quiet moments to feel my power and center myself. I want to connect with the feeling, for myself and for her, that I occupy the masculine role in our relationship.
In addition, there are qualities and ways of being that I want to put in place for myself and my beloved. I want to consciously connect with all of these in preparation for loving each other. To this end I’ve written a “Pre-flight Checklist”. for myself. Remember it's a self-checklist and so it won't read like a novel or story.
1) Grounded body
• Be well-rested!
• Come to her connected with and centered in my physicality.
• Keep my belly soft.
• Find truth in my body (not my head).
• Soft lips for kisses (no halfway kissing her).
2) My self-love, sourcing from within.
• Let my energy body rest in my source.
• Remember - my self-image does not depend on her.
• When I feel “triggered”, ground myself, feel into the truth of my being.
3) Clarity, stillness
• Pause to gather my energy and priorities. What are my actions from this place?
• Toward this end, mastery with my solo (white tantra or yoga) practice is paramount.
• When in meditation; I feel into my power as a charged feeling in my whole body.
• Stability in myself (powerful, connected) translates as stability in my world.
4) My masculinity
• Know what I am bringing. Have a plan.
• Feel my balls. This means “own the room” and make my actions congruent with my arousal.
• Check the careful, nice guy at the door. Take risks! Screw the “nice guise”! Be willing to fail (in her eyes)! For instance, when she is “bossy” I may physically top her in the moment (pick her up, carry her to the bed or couch, pin her against wall or floor, play with growling, pretend-fighting, “I’m the boss”.) Not as a put-down, but a light adventure, smile and breathe her into openness and love.
• Feel my impact upon her. Be sensitive to this because it’s about her happiness and what I can give her.
5) My voice
• Speak my truth
• Check in with myself – be transparent to her with what’s happening for me. Go deep at transitions (e.g. arriving / leaving) by speaking to what’s important and true for me in those moments. For example, invite her to breathe with me. Make certain this occurs if it is important and helpful to both of us.
7) A light heart
• Throughout it all, find my humor and perspective – help her laugh.
• Be playful, especially in the face of her closure or contraction.
• Keep a sense of our union as sacrament.
8) My appreciation for her
• Compliment her looks and dress. Praise and touch is food for her. My appreciation of her is constant.
• Show her that I am protecting and honoring her.
• Re-orient to our love. (Speak to how I love and care for her and what it means to me to be together.)
• Cup her yoni and let her feel the steadfastness of my love as needed.
• Occasionally bring her a fun surprise or gift.