I remember it like it was just yesterday. The conversation my single girlfriends and I would have over and over again. Whenever one of us had just gone on a first or second date, or had been in a slow moving relationship with the typical non-committal guy we were in denial about. The conversation always inevitably came around to “Why hasn’t he called?”
It was always spoken with that combination of sadness and desperation, with a little trace of hope salted in. We could have had a ringtone on our phones for it. It was the tribal rallying cry, calling all of us together in support of the one whose turn it was to live it. And then the conversation would begin, with us rehashing every single detail of what we had said and done, what he had said and done. Every possible piece of conversation, body language, tone, nuance, and action was meticulously scrutinized as we tried to piece together the answer to that question that was eluding us once again: why hasn’t he called? And of course, as supportive girlfriends, we would all offer our best take on the situation, usually filled with lots hope, but with a little dose of realism thrown in, trying to make sense of a situation that doesn’t have much sense to it to begin with. Until eventually, we would run out of possibilities and resign ourselves to either waiting it out some more, or relieving our anxiety by just calling him ourselves.
Well, after asking the same question myself more times than I would like to admit, and hearing it from my girlfriends about the same number of times, I know the answer that we all really knew even back then. That the real reason he hasn’t called is because this guy is just not that interested. At least right now.
I know; that’s hard to hear. But would it make it easier to hear it if you knew how much the realization could save you so much heartbreak? Would it help to know that by realizing the truth now, before you put so much of your body, heart, and soul into this relationship, you could save yourself from so much more pain down the road? Because here’s the thing, if he’s interested in you, nothing will be able to keep him from calling you. Guys aren’t like that. When they’re interested, they keep trying. Until you clearly let them know you’re not interested – and even then, they sometimes don’t get it and keep trying.