"I Can't Stand Dating"

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uncomfortable date
What does it mean for your love life if you can't navigate today's complicated dating scene?

I started to fear deep down that my lack of dating finesse meant I was destined to be alone. And that devastated me, because I want to get married some day. I am a romantic. I want love. I want a husband, kids, the big family I never had. And for a time, I began to force it. I went out actively looking for love, knowing all the while it would never work, and then getting upset when it didn't.

Lately, I've taken a step back, though. I've started to think about what God could possibly have in mind for me. And finally, it clicked.

After careful thought and a little divine inspiration, I finally came to a conclusion: I'm just not cut out for dating as we've come to know it today. And I think I've been building up to this revelation for a while now.

I have kept track of friends and family members' love stories, mostly just the ones that have really worked in my mind. The couples that are blissfully happy. The ones who have great marriages. Not perfect, of course, but strong and love-filled in that clearly evident way. And as I've taken an account of them, there are so many common threads: Most met in a way they did not expect. Most developed naturally. Most knew it was real love fairly quick, and never second-guessed. Understandings replaced analysis. Commitment replaced questioning. Why It's Easy to be Afraid of Committment?

When each of them met the right person, something so healthy and natural started to develop it didn't even feel like dating. It just steadily became a relationship, growing in strength everyday. No one started analyzing what "I had a good time tonight" really meant. No one was wondering if the other was going to call the next day. No one had to ask about confirming the relationship status. It was so free of all the frustrating things about dating so many of us, myself included, have come to loathe.

It just happened. Worked out. Made sense. I want that kind of love, the one that lends a sense of clarity. Because when I think about it like that, dating that's not really "dating," it doesn't seem so bad.

Maybe God knows I could never survive an endless number of dates. Maybe He's very selective with me—because He knows it's necessary. That I need this reassuring, gradual build to love. That I need to be spared today's "fun dating," because for me it's anything but fun. If that's the case, He's known all this time, before I did. I think of Matthew 6:8: "...your Father knows what you need before you ask him" (NIV). 11 Reasons To Date A Church-Going Guy

So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep living. I'm not going to worry about the number of dates I go on, or lack thereof, because it may not happen like that for me. I'll go on the dates I'm genuinely excited about. I'll be open to love, but won't force it. I am going to trust my instincts—when it's right, when it's not. I'm going to trust God.

And maybe I am nearly "undateable," the way we think of dating today. But I'm not all that upset about it. I'm actually sort of relieved. I have a lurking suspicion it's actually for the best.

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  • Married couples that met online had an average courtship of 18.5 months. Offline? 42 months.