Its funny sometimes the situations we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in before we realize we deserve so much better. The extent we'll go to be the perfect person, support and partner. How often does it seem one sided, incomplete? How often are WE actually happy in the end? It seems in some of us, love --or the potential of love and happy endings--awakens the masochistic demons that cause us so much suffering. I personally have met these creatures because of my propensity to put all others above myself and, especially, when I want to love someone, I give every piece of myself and my time. Ultimately this doesn't ever end well. I let myself be disrespected, unappreciated and truly emotionally ignored. So why do we do this? To hold on to a partner-- or someone who shows interest-- as if they represent a container of clay. We think that we can make them "open up", change them, and shape them into what we need (and sometimes for what we think they need). However, the final product is the depletion of ourselves; mind, soul and often body.
Again, as my previous post reflected on, How do we learn to be what we need for US? How do we make that first step for ourselves when something bad for us but so incredibly hard to let go? We get out of relationships like that! Easier said than done. But it IS possible. I'm Always afraid i'll never find anyone else or anything better and I usually feel i've invested too much time to give up on someone. That hardest thing to remind ourselves is We can never change people to be better, get over old flames, move on from past hurt, overcome personal addictions or problems or make someone fall in love with us. I've encountered this difficulty constantly. I personally feel worthy and useful when I can help others and transform into my imaginary "Superwoman" -- to alleviate, to save, to conquer.
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It's almost like a sport. I find the most closed down, emotionally distraught, problem-ridden male/female I come across... Convinced I can change them and write a happy ending. This ends in one of two ways; both of which I still don't find what I think I want or need. I either help them open up and be better people, face their demons and learn to love or I completely fail in trying to help, mold or have them love me.
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But again, my life events with a particular relationship has solidified my absolute desire to turn my actions and love inwards for myself. After all, aren't we most worthy of all our love we provide to others? Everyone has to learn for themselves what they will tolerate and when they will allow themselves to truly believe they should be treated in a better way. There must be balance and equality. Take the goggles off, examine how you would treat your partner--if they are not completing even half that picture, let it go and move on. Practice being honest with yourself. Take some time to self examine.
Life's too short to be passing time in situations you don't deserve. Stand up for yourself! Take pride in yourself. Build yourself up instead of breaking down in pieces. And MOST of all--trust you deserve nothing less than the love YOU have to give.