Is prejudging blocking you from finding the love you want?
Is prejudging blocking your love connections?
How often do you prejudge?... Do you know you prejudge?
Typical scenario Blind Date/First Date Head Drama:
Your friend sets you up on a blind date. You are curious and want to find love so you go. You pull up already anxious and guarded thinking that this person may not be what you want. You walk into the restaurant and there standing in front of you is a man/woman waiting for you.
Do you automatically find faults with the person before you even have a conversation?
Are you approaching the situation with an open heart?
Prejudging might be standing in your way if you:
- Reject your date because of what they say or do
- Automatically think they are not what you expected
- Reject them because they are not your typical type
For those of you in a relationship, do you anticipate how your partner is going to react and change your way of interacting based on these notions…
Prejudging in relationships exists if you:
- Assume you know your partners motives and assign meaning to their comments and behaviors
- Automatically know ( or think you know rather) what the other person will say and how they will react when you have a conversation or consider bringing up a topic.
Prejudging is a form of sabotage. Prejudging blocks you from being close and connected in the moment.
This habit is a sure proof way of blocking any potential for chemistry &/or intimacy.
What to do if you prejudge:
- Ask yourself, “What would happen if I suspend judgment and did not allow my assumptions to control my behavior and influence this moment?”
Try it, suspend judgement
Allow yourself to expand your capacity to be fully present, suspend judgment and sustain a connection with this person in front of you long enough to prove your yourself wrong. The goal is to be open to the possibility that you may not have all the answers and that your ideas about who is right for you may be wrong. This makes you available and empowers you to open your heart to all situations of love. Then, you won’t get detoured by self imposed roadblock(s) and will be free to create a true to a love connection.
- Ask for clarification...that's right turn your assumption, judgment into a question to draw out more information.
Truth is, judgment (pre, during & post interaction) is a form of protection and rooted in some core fear. Often the fear that triggers prejudging is based on past experiences. When you choose to continue to entertain the judgment as present fact, you end up unknowingly reacting in such a way to reenact the past drama rather than allowing a new love story to be created.
A client recently told me how she tends to withhold sharing more of herself in her new relationship when she senses (prejudged assumption) that the other person is too stressed and unable to handle her disclosure or respond to her in her time of need. Yet, in this budding love relationship or on past dates with different men she doesn't have enough history or information to know if this person is in fact too stressed or incapable of handling her disclosure. And she has not dared to go for clarification, by asking key questions.
By withholding this part of herself she gets to feel in control, safe and seemingly less at risk of being rejected or abandoned in her time of need, if her prejudgment is indeed true.
However, choosing not to share all of herself based on a prejudgment keeps her from experiencing this person as different from her ex or her family of origin and blocks her from being known, loved, supported in the way she longs for in relationship.
Also this prejudging and withholding reaction keeps her from feeling secure enough in the relationship and confident in this mans ability to support her in her time of need.
PREJUDGING keeps her from committing to him more fully. If he indeed is a true match for her they will never know if she continues this sabotaging pattern. She could very well be left with proof that he's not "the one" if he were to end the relationship because he doesn't feel that she needs a man in her life and he's looking for an entry point to show her she can count on him when she needs him.
Free yourself of this sabotaging habit!
Commit to release judgments the moment they come to the surface.
Consciously choose to let love in and create this kind of connection instead...