"He's just not that into you, because you're just not that into yourself."
"He's not that into you, because you're not that into yourself."
Well, damn. Reality star Abiola Abrams was telling the whole truth at the premiere Single In Stilettos conference, basically a haven for single gals to find out what's cooking in the world of love, and learn the latest dating tips. Some say confidence is a woman's most attractive trait, and Abrams was on hand to help women boost their self-image and their love outlook.
You have to get rid of all that emotional baggage, says Abrams. Now, it takes a while to collect "all those man-hating miniskirts," so it is going to take more than a weekend to clean house. Love coach and YourTango expert Debi Berndt, who also spoke at the conference, believes that every person starts squeaky clean, but as we grow (from the womb up to eight years old) we are marred by our parents' beliefs about relationships as well as all the negative things we see in our environment. Why You Should Not Hope To Find Love
In order to get rid of all that B.S. (your belief system), Berndt says you have to identify the things you need to erase. For example, let's say your parents kept telling you are fat when you were younger. Well, you should tell yourself every day that you are a normal, healthy, curvaceous and attractive woman. Eventually, those negative splotches that cover up your inner light will clear. This will help you find true love instead of relationships where you put your man on a pedestal (or vice versa).
Using this trick can boost your confidence, which will help you attract the type of mate you are looking for. You can also help yourself by creating a "man-friendly environment." When Berndt was still looking for love, she always referred to her "future boyfriend" in conversation and included him in all her big plans (like buying two nightstands instead of one). Turns out she didn't even have Mr. Right yet, but she wanted to be prepared for when he did arrive. Eight months later, she found her guy!
So stop wasting your time on men who are encouraging the "B.S." The next time you meet a guy who doesn't give you exactly what you deserve, heed this advice: "The four-letter word for a man who doesn't call is N-E-X-T."
What tricks do you use to boost your self-esteem when it comes to love? How do you get rid of the "B.S." from your past?