Halloween Heartbreak: I Painted Myself Blue To Get Him Back


blue hand print
I thought dressing as Smurfette would make him want me. Not so much.

After what seemed like an eternity, Laura came out of the woodwork. "Dude, I've been looking for you. The show is starting. Are you okay?"

I'm not okay because I just fell out of a sound booth. "Yeah, I'm awesome! Ready to ROCK!" 


Instead of rocking, though, I sat with my head down for what seemed like 20 hours. At some point, I threw up in a corner. I hadn't been this sick since freshman year of college. I'm going to die here, in this pathetic little bar, with all these random people. What has my life come to? What am I even chasing?

"You really disappointed me tonight."

Boy towered over me in his fake-leather H&M jacket, a checkered scarf tied around his neck, packed up and ready to go. Excuse me?! I could barely formulate a rambling, defensive response. He stormed out angrily. Abruptly, Laura said: "That guy is an ass. He doesn't care about you." I bawled. A few minutes later, we were in a cab speeding toward home. 8 Smart, Sassy Single-Gal Halloween Costumes [GALLERY]

It dawned on me that he hadn't said one thing about my costume all night.

I had dressed as Smurfette to prove to Boy that I could be who he wanted, despite knowing deep down inside that we were wrong for each other. But what I learned — once my head stopped throbbing — was that you should never put on a costume to please a guy. We put on necessary masks for so many people — our bosses, our significant others' parents, even our own parents — that to be somebody else in a relationship is criminal. And to be somebody else for someone who doesn't even want to be in a relationship with you? That's just a waste of time. 

So, what happened to Boy? He lived … ever after. Not happily, but like a normal, flawed human being. And she turned out to be the right person for him. What happened to me? Three years later, I'm still picking up the pieces of having fallen that low. They say that unless you've spent time in the shadows, you'll never see the light. I may still occasionally drink too much wine, and there are days when I forget to be true to myself. I'm human. But I will never, ever again dress up — as a tiny blue creature or otherwise — for anyone but myself.

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