Why I Don't Believe In "The One"

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This writer believes in traditional love and marriage, she just doesn't believe "The One" exists.

Today I've accepted it was for the best. He was wrong for me. It could have never moved past early dating or the beginning stages of a relationship as things stood, because I know I need to find a man who has the same Christian background as I do. But still. It was a blow. In all his wrongness, there was something so incredibly right—something that, in my heart, was hard to get over. The Awesomeness Of Getting Over An Ex

But if you believe in The One, there's a lost love that's even tougher to get over. If there's only one person on the planet that can complete each of us, how do we explain the woman madly in love who loses her husband? Or the man who has to bury his wife? Partners left behind see the years pass, battle through their grief and grapple to find a way to move forward with their lives. Some remarry and find a second great love. In this case, The One becomes The Two. My Husband Died When I Was 27, And I'm Still Not Over It

Maybe you're thinking, But what if for me, there is only The One? Look: the minute we start putting all our faith in The One is the minute we start believing relationships are infallible. And that, my friends, is a trap. Even the most powerful relationships can be damaged. The One is so idealized that it can cause us to gloss over a host of pitfalls in a relationship. If you think you've found the only person you could ever be with, why work at it? A lack of effort is dangerous. It means you won't work at commitment. It means you'll stop going the extra mile for romance. It means you might lose the love that made you believe in The One to begin with. And love is what holds everything together. The Promises And Pitfalls Of Technology & Relationships

Biblically, unions are not the result of meeting soul mates. Unions are built and supported by love. Love needs to be nurtured, and love is what will get you through the trials of a relationship or marriage:

"Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25)

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)

It's not about meeting The One. The One doesn't exist. It's about meeting someone you're in love with, so much that you're willing to grow your love through commitment, hard work and God's help, every single day. 5 Facts That Prove Men Aren't All Commitment-Phobes

Yes, I'm a realist...but a romantic realist. For many of us, true love can be one of life's great gifts. But like anything that's true, it's not perfect. The fact that it takes some effort—that pursuit of perfection—is what keeps it real. 

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