5 Illusions That Can Ruin Your Sex Life


5 Illusions That Can Ruin Your Sex Life
Dr. Marianne Brandon dishes on the illusions and facts that could make or break your sex life

3. Illusion: If sexual chemistry wanes, there is nothing you can do about it.

Fact: Passion can be enhanced by understanding our more primal sexual instincts.


It is true that most couples experience a decrease in sexual chemistry as a relationship ages. But there are things you can do to enhance and resurrect those intoxicating feelings of sexual longing and desire. In heterosexual relationships, highlighting the differences between male and female sexuality can intensity your experience between the sheets. Traditionally, masculine sexuality brings a dominant, confident, tenderness to the bedroom, while feminine sexuality is more emotional and vulnerable.

What to do? Gentlemen, offer your partner a strong but loving presence in the bedroom. Take charge and make her feel wanted and cherished. Ladies, gift your partner with the soft, open-hearted receptivity that women can innately bring to a sexual connection. Engaging these innate sexual responses can trigger an instinctual desire in your partner. So take sex out of your head and into the deep, and passionate realm of your ancient, mysterious sexual body.

4. Illusion: If your love is strong, you won’t be sexually attracted to other people.

Fact: Even people in loving, committed relationships are occasionally attracted to others.

Just because you are in love doesn’t mean you are immune to attractions to others. It is natural for men and women to fantasize about other people – even while making love with their partner! Most of the time these feelings don’t become a problem if people don’t act on them.

What to do? See if you can use these thoughts and feelings to fuel the passion in your intimate relationship. Can you channel the excitement they generate toward your partner? If you are thinking about other people too much, and it’s getting in the way of your feelings for your partner, then it would be a good idea to talk to someone about it – a friend, therapist, or your partner. It could mean that something is going on in your relationship that needs to be addressed.

5. Illusion: The safer you feel in your relationship, the better your sex will be.

Fact: Some mystery and uncertainly in a romantic relationship can fuel desire.

It seems like safety and passion should go hand in hand – the more you have of one, the more you’ll enjoy of the other. But that’s actually not the case. For most people, a little safety allows enough trust for passion to flow. But too much safety can create an atmosphere that is boring and uninteresting – a place where passion can be hard to come by.

What to do? Try to keep a little mystery and even a little distance in your relationship. Giving yourself and your partner a little space can make for a bit of tension, but this tension can translate into passionate longing in a way that too much safety never can.


More from Dr. Marianne Brandon:

6 Reasons Why Men More Inclined to Pay for Sex
4 Lessons I’ve Learned as a Sex Therapist
Connecting Without Sex (SLIDESHOW)
Sex and the First Year Postpartum

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