5 Signs You Might Be Crazy

Note: This post was originally published at http://www.examiner.com/single-women-in-orlando/randi-whitcomb.

During my first semester of law school, I briefly got involved with a guy who had been hooking up with another girl in our section. Their fling hadn't lasted too long -- a few weeks, tops -- but I knew she was really into him. However, after a bunch of bizarre behavior -- culminating in an evening during which she screamed obscenities in bed that would be extreme for porn, nevermind this column -- he freaked and wanted nothing to do with her.

The guy wasn't a stud by any means, but the pickin's were slim in law school. So, against my better judgment -- and knowing that this girl was a little obsessed and a lot unhinged -- I started seeing him.

I fully expected to return to my car after class one day and find that my tires had been slashed. Or that she would punch me in the face if I ran into her at the local dive bar everyone went to on Thursday nights. But neither of these things ever happened. Instead, she spent a year -- long after my two-month whatever-it-was with the guy ended and I'd moved on to other people -- spreading rumors about me around school. She permanently posted unflattering tidbits about me on her AIM profile, distributed nasty, slanderous mass emails to our entire class and told everyone in school that I was a lesbian -- something that no one had the guts to actually ask me about until our graduation years later. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

It goes without saying that this girl was in the upper-echelon of psychotic. But, she's not alone. Honestly, most women are crazy.

My friend Ryan once said, "All women are crazy. You just need to find the one whose craziness you can deal with best." He followed this by informing me that I am the least crazy woman he knows, which is probably equivalent to being the lightest contestant on day one of The Biggest Loser.

If I had a dollar for every time I told one of my girlfriends to stop acting like an insane drama queen over some guy, I wouldn't need to write this column. Relationships (and crushes) can send even the most normal girl spinning into Britney circa 2007 mode. And -- unfortunately -- most women are so blinded by their love, hurt, anger or panic that they think their actions are completely justified. In short: they have no idea they're crazy.

But, I'm here to help. I realize that not all of you are lucky enough to have a brutally honest friend like me who will roll her eyes, tell you to stop acting like a psycho and hang up the phone before you can reach the "justification" portion of your story. So, I've outlined a few clear-cut signs for you to tell when you've crossed the line from "acting like a girl" to being "guano-crazy."*

You might be crazy if you contact an ex-girlfriend/wife or new significant other. Cyberstalking a new or old girl makes you a savvy woman of the 21st century. (I mean, you really just want to make sure you're prettier/smarter/cooler, right?) But, if you call and hang up, call and cuss out, email, or snail-mail (yes, this still happens today) the woman, then you are crazy.