I just want to reiterate the fact that it is not true that if your sweetheart never knows you’re having an affair, there is no harm done. I had a friend who was into a lot of girls while he had a fiancee but because she did not know all there was to him, he felt he could go on like that. Living with a big fat secret means there’s a big fat part of you that you can’t share with your partner which will show up sooner than you can ever imagine. That big fat secret becomes the source of emotional distance from your partner and what will keep you from being totally present in your relationship. In a matter of time it becomes obvious and then no attempt to remedy the deed done is possible- which is what caused the break up of my friends relationship but then it was too far for regrets. She was gone and in another relationship.
Just be true to one person because when the chips are down there is no perfect person. My friend complained that she did not dress well and did not do such and such well. Meanwhile those were issues they could have handled if he was willing to be open to her and help her. When she finally found out about him (not from me), she was hurt but later went into another relationship and by the time the new guy was done with her she became the envy of my friend. We all have our flaws and must learn to love and help each other as long as there is genuine love.
We talked to each other when ever we had issues in our relationships and offered a listening ear to each other when we had our issues. Over time the friendship/relationship metamorphosed into a higher level without us realising it. Friends had hinted it but we would laugh about it because we were so sure they did not understand that we were just friends. We became inseparable and the guys in our individual lives had to accept us as friends. My guy would even meet him to talk to me about certain issues because he knew I would listen to him.
My husband was my best friend but there were certain things he used to do that made me very sure I could not cope with him if not that we were just friends. Nothing prepared us for a deeper relationship or marriage at that because he was in a relationship just like I was in a relationship too. And like I said, he was not my kind of guy. He was just too serious with life.
At the end of the day he told me he was no longer sure of what he felt for me. That was a big shock to me because he always knew what he wanted. When I thought of it too, I also knew that there was a closeness we felt that was not normal with just friends. When we realised it we decided to end the relationship because we did not know how to transit from being friends to being lovers. We both felt betrayed.
I felt he betrayed me by falling in love with me and he felt I betrayed him by not understanding the way he felt in spite of the things we had shared in confidence because we were friends. But because we were the only ones we could actually open up to we were able to talk about it and had it sorted out by staying away for awhile without talking with each other. We got back to talk after one month and we knew we could not do without each other.
We have been married for eight years now and it has been worth every thing to us. Every thing that made me think we could not be man and wife were trashed out and I helped him to put things in perspective as much as is within mine/his capability and because he so wanted to be the best for us he was willing to change in areas he could actually do so and I did the same thing too.
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