What women want…

What women want…
Contributor

Getting “the fairy tale” is not any of the things I have listed above.  All of those things that you have done, bought, or created for women are merely symbols and fluff that you have been taught from watching… well… fairy tales on television and the big screen.

They are vehicles to what women really want; and as long as the vehicles that you use are external things and places, she can replace you in a heartbeat for any other chump who comes along that will give her these things.

Stop this from happening by giving her what no one else can… YOU!

-

Women, as well as men, have basic needs.  To fill these needs, sometimes we choose great vehicles and sometimes we choose bad vehicles.

For example… If a child is not getting the attention that she thinks she should, she will throw a fit or pull a stunt that gets her the attention.  In this case, the child is using the fit or the stunt as the vehicle to the attention… a bad vehicle.

Let me break down what women really want…

-

Certainty

Women need to feel certain.  Another name for this is comfort.

Men, women need to feel certain that you will be with her longer than just one night.  Deep down, women want to know that you will take care of your family.  Will you be there when she most needs you?  Will you commit to her?

She does not need to be certain that you will follow her around and beg for her affection.  She can find hundreds of other men who will do this.

Do and say things that will make her feel certain.  Now, I do not condone any sort of lying.  When I say, “make her feel certain”; I mean, help her fill this need by actually being there when she really needs you, commit to her, and protect your loved ones.  Your body language and your actions speak much louder than a dozen roses.

As you become a positive vehicle for certainty, there is no supplication… no begging for her faithfulness and love.  Dinners becoming something that you do together to enjoy each other… not a tool used to buy her affection.

-

Uncertainty

What happens, however, when you get too certain?

You get bored!

So many times I see a relationship go down in flames, because the man was a good boyfriend or husband.  Good is not enough… you have to be great!

Everyone needs uncertainty.  In other words, they need variety.

Women need excitement and a little mystery.

Excitement may be skydiving for some, and it may be taking a midnight walk on the beach for others.  It is about adding spontaneity and spice to the relationship.  It is the surprises that truly surprise her.

Men, you must be adventurous, exciting, and intriguing.  Without these characteristics, you are unable to ignite that spark that puts the twinkle in her eye.  Without this, you can send her all the flowers you want, take her to the most upscale restaurants, and fly her to Paris for the weekend; but she will leave you for a man who touches her at her core with his personality instead of external things.  Remember, she can get things from any man.

If you do not think that you have these characteristics, then create them.  I help clients every day create a life worth living.

-

Significant

Women need to feel important.

She needs to feel that she is the world to you.  (If she truly is not, she will know.  Women know, so be sincere.)

This does not mean doing everything for them or dropping to your knees and worshiping her.  It means that she needs to feel like she matters… in all the areas of her life.

If you are proud of her for her accomplishments at work, tell her.  If she cleaned the house all day so you could have your poker night, tell her how much you appreciate what she has done.  And without supplicating, let her know how much she really means to you.  Never assume or take her for granted.

When you begin to take her for granted, there is another guy out there that will make her feel needed and special.

The best way to make a women feel significant and important is to show her that she is needed.

-

Connection

Women need love.

They need to feel a part of your life and not just a trophy that you won.

Too often, I have men hire me because they have neglected loving their mate.  Instead, they have had a love affair with their job, friends, and/or hobbies.  Do not be one of these men, because it is usually way to late and way to difficult to fix by the time they come to me for this challenge.  Prevention is the best medicine.

Share your life with her, give her quality time, and spend time working on your relationship… and it is work.  Great relationships just do not happen by accident.  This does not mean losing yourself (and neither should she) in the relationship.  What it does mean is a commitment to learn something new about each other every day, to listen when the other speaks, and to truly care that the needs of the other are met.

If you do not or cannot make this commitment, then you either need a coach to help you or you are with the wrong person.

-

You can sweep her off her feet, you can give her the fairy tale, you can be her soul mate, and you can be the one.  You can only be these things, however,  if you are sincere, honest, and committed.

I suppose that you could fake these things for a while, but I guarantee that she will eventually see right through you.

As you have probably deduced, I do not believe that you should supplicate.  Begging for a woman’s affection is a sure path to being alone.  Meeting her needs in a healthy way, however, is not supplicating… this is the foundation on which lasting relationships are built.

Author
Contributor