Need a reason to stay single? Watch my Big Friggin' Wedding on VH1. Just pull up a chair and watch the parade of trashy New Jersey brides-to-be and the men who want nothing to do with weddings. How Jersey can keep fist-pumping out such shocking specimens of humans is beyond me.
We start with Guido Joey and his acrylic-nailed fiancé, Sandra, who are in the thick of wedding planning. With just six weeks to go, Joey is just a peach to be around—always berating his bride-to-be and making it very well known what a chauvinistic prick he is. 6 Guys Who Should Date Snooki
He's not alone. (This is Jersey, after all!) Pauly D wannabe Johnny and his fiancé, a very pregnant Megin are in crunch time, too, and need to find a wicked awesome reception hall to celebrate their nuptials in. They meet with a wedding planner who is just way too fast-talking for Johnny, so they high tail it outta there and run face first to a Guido extraordinaire wedding planner, Dominique, who gives them an offer they can't refuse—on a wedding venue, that is. He really charms the pants off of them. But will they choose him? Megin has to crunch her numbers first.
Sadly, she's left on her own to budget the cost of the wedding. This can be a huge headache, and, two brains are usually better that one. Unless Johnny's head is involved. Luckily, he goes and gets hammered with his boys instead.
Next up: Danny and Tammie. We see Tammie and her Chihuahua, Belle, pick floral arrangements. Here's the deal: if Belle doesn't like it, Tammie doesn't get it. Luckily, Belle and Tammie have similar tastes, and spending habits—especially if her fiancé, Danny, is footing the bill.
We also briefly meet Tyler and Alyssa, a young, moderately attractive couple who are having major dramz with Alyssa's mom who recently left her husband and is going through a divorce. Naturally, this is highly straining on their relationship. Especially since momma cheated on daddy and is now shagging a new boyfriend. So the new boyf's not invited to the wedding, we gather? Prenuptial Agreements: Not Just for Divorce
Meanwhile, Joey continues to be just an absolute schmuck. He lets it be known that he'll cut a bitch if he doesn't have his spaghetti and meatballs on the table each and every night. Sadly, Sandra cannot cook to save her life. Joey forces his mom to teach Sandra, who completely freaks out and rejects the idea. Johnny confronts Sandra and tells him "You wanted this. Not me." What, domestic violence? Oh, a wedding…
Later, Sandra tells Johnny that she wants to quit her job. He asks her if she can hold out for a few weeks more until after the wedding. Sandra smiles coyly and says "Newp, I already quit." To which Johnny's eyes literally pop out of his head. Then she says, "I wanna work for you. I'll be your bitch." To which Johnny was like: "Mmm, that'll work."