Making it Work with your Ex

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Making it Work with your Ex


 

Pinkee
here~ Okay, guys, let me clarify here.  I don’t mean getting
back together with your ex.  It could be your ex-wife or
ex-girlfriend. What I mean is, how do you have a workable
relationship with someone that you share children with?  How do
you co-parent as two adults who have moved on?

I
am speaking as someone who has a substantial amount of experience in
this, almost ten years to be exact.  It wasn’t always easy. 
I remember one or two years after my divorce I had a phone
conversation with my ex in which he told me I was selfish and I told
him he was f&^%$ up, and then someone hung up on the other
person.  (I’m embarrassed to say it was probably me.) 
We’ve come a long way since then.  I realized that we needed
to resolve this problem, as the number one thing I’d learned in the
mandatory “divorce class” we had taken was that the extent of the
conflict between you is equal to the extent to which your child(ren)
will be negatively affected.  So, we went back to our former
marriage counselor, and got a “tune up”.  And ever since
then, it has been a smooth road.  Here’s what I’ve learned
DOES work:

1. 
Say please and thank you.  Ask, don’t tell.  And remember
to appreciate the other person when they are being helpful or kind.

2. 
Stick to the subject, which is the kid(s).  I don’t always
agree with the things my ex says or does, but frankly, if it’s not
negatively affecting our daughter, it’s none of my business. 
It’s not my job to criticize him.

3. 
Establish an atmosphere of being kind and generous with your time and
willingness to pitch in.  If she needs you to watch the kids on
Monday while she goes to the doctor, be very willing to do that even
if it means that you have to wait to see your current girlfriend
because of it.  Don’t worry.  Before you know it, you
will need her cooperation too, and isn’t it nice to know that
she’ll be ready and willing to reciprocate the favor?

 
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