Shouldn't we be pregnant by now?
This is probably TMI but, this past weekend, completely out of the blue, with no provocation whatsoever (I was writing beauty product descriptions, for god's sakes), I felt horny.
This is noteworthy because, if you've read previous posts of mine, you know that I typically experience pain during sex and, in anticipation of that pain, I also have a tough time getting aroused. How To Get Pregnant When Your Sex Life Is Sub-Par
So this sudden onset of below-the-belt longing made me want to do a happy dance and throw confetti and hug my three cats and send out a public announcement and stuff. So when my husband arrived home after a few hours of work at a partner's house, I asked him, point blank: "Can we have The Sex?"
And then he said (and mind you this is the man who is always trying to have The Sex), "Maybe later? I wanted to relax and watch some TV for a bit."
What. The. Hell.
So I continued writing beauty product descriptions for the next half hour, the entire time feeling hyper-aware of the tingling in my nether regions, and also feeling hyper-aware of how fleeting that feeling could turn out to be. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I marched out to the living room and delivered a mini-rant that sounded something like this:
"Michael. I am horny. For the first time in, like, four years, I am horny. My vagina is like a dry, barren desert 24/7 and, finally, it has awakened. And you turn down The Sex. What are you thinking!? Who knows when this could happen again!? Who knows if it will last!? For once in my life, I want pain-free, pleasure-filled sex, and you say no!? YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE SEX NOW!"
Michael did the smart thing, turned off the TV, and gave me The Sex. And it was good.