If you're unhappy with your sex life, this might be why.
"If you're being offered a template on how to titillate and stimulate your woman, take it!" says sex educator Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright. "She's not suggesting that you're bad in bed; she's just letting you know what her preferences are."
Women like having sex. A lot of them love it, and a few even think about it all the time. But their shortcoming is that they often want men to be mind readers. Many women aren't confident enough to ask for what they want in bed, so instead, they accept a so-so sex life.
Tonight, start a conversation about sex. Talk about the things that turn you on and ask her if there's anything she'd like you to do differently. If you're more open about sex, your partner will begin to enjoy herself more, which means that you'll reap the benefits, too. Here are five mistakes men keep making in bed.
1. You don't take charge.
Women are leaders in the workplace. They run the household and can do pretty much anything they put their minds to. But when it comes to sex, they often want you to take charge and "be the man." Anything half-hearted and tentative is a turnoff.
"If you're holding back, she will, too," says Fulbright. "You need to unleash your carnal side and make her feel wanted in an almost unbridled way."
2. You never switch up your routine.
If you've been with the same person for a while, you probably know the exact moves that are needed to pleasure your partner. But sex can become as tedious as watching reruns if you never change things up.
"While there's something to be said about the tried and true, mixing things up is what keeps your brain and your other vital parts stimulated," says Fulbright. "She'll be more intrigued with you if the sex has a couple of fun twists and turns."
Tonight, surprise her by having sex in a different room of the house or in a different position, or switch things up by keeping your clothes on. You're sure to get a big reaction.
3. You always focus on the finish line.
Life is about the journey, not the destination, and the same thing is true for sex. When you're frantically laboring away toward your own climax, it's usually not that fun for your partner. Truly hot sex comes from taking your time and exploring.
Spend some time just kissing and touching the parts of your partner's body that you may be neglecting. Make sure she's satisfied first before you cross the finish line.
4. You don't have sex frequently enough.
Most men say that if it were up to them, they'd be having sex every night of the week. But how many times has your partner found you asleep on the couch with ESPN blaring on the television?
"If you don't seem interested in sex, then your woman's inner good girl won't want to put pressure on you. Don't be afraid to have sex just for sex's sake, as this ups testosterone and libido, and makes you both desire it even more," says Fulbright.
If that's not enough of an incentive, having more sex can actually lengthen your lifespan. "The average American has sex once a week, and we know from studies, that doubling that to twice a week can mean you live three years longer," Dr. Oz says.
Initiate sex even if you're tired or not really in the mood. Once you get going, chances are you'll be into it.
5. You don't give enough massags.
Giving a massage can sound about as much fun as a trip to that fancy soap and candle store in the mall. But by spending time touching your partner in a sensual way, you'll make her more relaxed and open to the idea of having sex.
"Massage can be critical to helping her relax and inviting her sexual response," says Fulbright. "Plus, this kind of human touch feels so good and is so needed these days. Cultivating the sensual, as well as the sexual, gets you major brownie points in the bedroom."
Dim the lights, offer her a glass of cucumber water, and break out the massage oil. Pretty soon she'll be saying, "A little to the left, please. Ah ... right there."
Written by Ronnie Koenig