People have affairs in part because the grass is greener on the other side. Once the adrenaline rush that comes with sneaking around and having illicit sex wears off, you may find that you are paired with someone who you aren't all that compatible with in the long haul. "Typically, people enter an affair because they're unhappy with their own relationship," says Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of "The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking." "While sexual gratification can be a motive, it's typically more emotionally driven for both men and women. They're not getting something in their relationship, so they're seeking it with someone else and aren't necessarily into the person but rather the attention and feelings of being desired."
Fulbright says that a relationship that started as an affair can work -- but it's the exception and not the rule.
"Every now and then, an affair is a matter of two star-crossed lovers finally finding each other. They were never the 'perfect' match with their spouses or exes and everything works out despite the upheaval of breaking up, divorcing and pulling families apart."
Mira (not her real name) had been married to the same man for 14 years when she found herself falling in love with her yoga instructor. After developing a strong friendship and admitting their feelings to one another, the pair told both their spouses that they didn't want to be married anymore. Mira sold her house and moved to another town, even as her new partner was still living with his wife. "I knew that even if he didn't leave her, I was never going back to my husband. I was out. And I was happy about it," she says. Mira says that she didn't sleep with her new love until after her husband had moved out. She and her new boyfriend faced numerous court battles over money and custody of their children and finally wed in a private ceremony she describes as magical. "We are totally in love despite all of the challenges we have gone through. While we knew we would be judged by many, we also knew we were meant to be!" she says.
An affair is not the ideal beginning to any relationship but if you are honest with one another and willing to face the many obstacles that are sure to arise, it just might work.
Read more at AOL Health
- When Your Friend's Spouse Is Having An Affair
- Infidelity: How Couples Coped
- 17 Reasons Why People Cheat
Written by Ronnie Koenig for AOL Health