Lila here~ I just read about another sex survey
recently conducted by Indiana University. In the
study, 85% of men reported that their partner had climaxed the last time they
had sex. However, only 64% of women
surveyed said they had reached orgasm the last time they had sex. That’s a pretty big gap between the men’s
perception and the women’s reality if you ask me.
Why would someone lie about having an
orgasm? Although women are the biggest
culprits, men lie about it too (although it’s a little harder *no pun intended*
for men to get away with the lie).
- They’re afraid of
hurting their partner’s feelings
- The woman might
want to make the man feel better about his performance
- They feel
uncomfortable giving honest feedback
- They feel awkward
communicating about such an intimate subject
- They’re tired and
just want to go to sleep
As you may have noticed, all of the
reasons listed come down to one thing:
communication. Our society is so
performance driven that an inordinate amount of pressure is put on men and
women to climax: not too soon, not too
long, more than once at a time. You name
it, there’s somebody who feels pressured about their sexual performance, and
specifically their orgasms.
When my partner and I first got together,
I faked an orgasm one time. I know,
shocking, isn’t it? Well, I was young
and stupid, and I had bought into the idea that if a woman doesn’t climax, it
meant the sex wasn’t good. I really
liked this guy and didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was (and still is) great in bed, but it
was just one of those nights that I wasn’t going to come.
The next morning, he casually said, “You
know, you don’t ever have to fake an orgasm with me.” BAGGED!!
I was mortified, but I sucked it up and told him it was because I didn’t
want to make him feel bad. He set me
right at ease, letting me know that he understood that not all women come every
time they have sex. It took all the
pressure off, and from that moment on I never faked another orgasm.
Communication is critical to having great
sex. Open and honest communication is
even more intimate than sexual intercourse in our society, which is pretty
messed up if you think about it. Just
try it though, and watch what it does to improve your sex life.
The problem with faking an orgasm is that
it’s an indication that your lines of communication aren’t as open and honest
as they need to be for a successful relationship to grow. To improve your lines of communication, I
recommend being clear and loving while you’re having sex. “I love it when you touch me just like
that.” You can also start to talk about
it at other times when you’re relaxed and communicating well. It may be that you’re particularly stressed
out, and that makes it more difficult for you to climax. Or it may be that you’re just not that aware
of what it takes to make you come.
Practice makes perfect, and your partner can surely help!