Pinkee here~ Let’s imagine you start dating a new woman, and based on things you are finding out, you start to ask yourself the age-old question: Does she have too much baggage? In my opinion, the answer is: it depends. Everyone has some “baggage.” I don’t care who she is. At least one “bad” thing happened in her childhood, and she’s had at least one negative experience with the opposite sex. So, if you’re looking for someone who has no baggage, go back to fairytale land and find Cinderella. Oh, no, wait. Her mother died and she had an evil stepmother. See what I mean?
If you realize that her background is not going to be perfect, period, you may be wondering how much is too much when it comes to baggage?
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I’m about to make a bold statement here. There is no such thing as too much, depending on how she handled it. Here are the good signs to look for, now matter how sordid her past:
1. She appears to have learned from her experience. Although she may have had some rocky roads in the past, she has the ability to learn from it. She has changed the way she relates to others and the world as a result.
2. She is introspective. By that I mean, she has either sought professional help to learn more about her problems and how she can create better things in the future, or she has done this work on her own through things like reading and talking to friends.
3. She has an internal “locus of control”. This means that she carries the belief that she is basically the creator of her own life. (The opposite would be someone who sees herself as a victim.)
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4. She has a bright outlook for the future. In other words, even though these negative experiences have happened in her life, she has not lost hope or the belief that having a healthy, happy relationship and life is within her reach.
To sum it up, even if she has had childhood trauma, medical illness, and three divorces, if she meets the above criteria, this still may be a reasonable gamble for you to take. If, on the other hand, she still seems stuck in the past according to what I’ve outlined above, do NOT, under any circumstances, start to believe that you can be the one to “save” her. One thing I’m quite sure of (because I tried it one too many times) -that never works Instead, you might want to save yourself the heartache now and move on. Next!