October 5, 2010
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In a previous post, I referenced this article, which talks about a love cleanse. No dating, no flirting, no physical contact, no engaging, obsessing or cyber-stalking, eating healthy and exercising - and journaling the whole thing.
My broken heart is brand-spankin' new, so I'm having some trouble starting the eating healthy and exercising. I'm not eating anything, because my stomach is in knots. When I do eat, it doesn't settle. The result? No energy. The gym would be the opposite of healthy at this point. But, I'm a girl who likes to eat, so that will solve itself. I'll keep at it.
The journaling - well, here it is. This will be my journal. I'm nice and anonymous (to protect the innocent more than myself) but please feel free to follow along!
No dating or flirting will be no problem. I don't even have any interest. I'm still emotional about the guy I lost, and am not ready to be with anyone else yet. In a fit of "moving on" energy last night, I did update my one online dating profile. But, then realized what I was doing and stopped. If anyone contacts me, I'll just ignore it. The truth is - I'm hooked on this guy (I'm hesitant to use the "L" word). I'm too deep in.... Like.
The engaging/obsessing/cyber-stalking could be a problem. We are both social media junkies (me more so than he). We're friends on multiple sites, and I'm not prepared to not be his friend. Time will tell if this is all over, and if it is, I will learn to accept that - but even so, he's still a wonderful person. I can't just toss him out of my life like he didn't matter. My hope is that we would still fit in each other's lives somehow.
So, I did what could to limit our interaction on these sites. I hid alerts, and can hide certain posts, etc. I can refrain from going to look and see what he's doing. But he's a good friend, and he often supports my blog. If he does, I want to thank him. He writes a killer blog himself, and if I see something and want to support him, I will. That's what friends do. So I need to sort through that problem.
I did flub on the "engagement" rule today, though. He has an older blog post that I recently found out was about him, and the situation that got us here. I wanted to comment. Actual, friendly advice, that was a follow-up comment to one that was already on the post. I didn't want to make it public, with my new insight, so I emailed it to him. It's a nice email. He's a great guy. I meant every word I said. But there was engagement, so he was on my mind today (clearly).
I'm still in that stage where I can't help but think about him. I'm sad at what I've lost, and I'm sad for what I no longer have to look forward to. I miss the idea that I'll see him again soon. He makes me laugh and smile, and I could really use that. Ironically - I really need my friend, too.
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