So you wake up one morning to discover that the exciting, fun, and sexy rapport with that special someone is no more, and you have been unceremoniously dumped into the no-man’s(or woman’s) –land of relationship limbo. The quickest way to ease the pain of the lovelorn is to jump back in the water as soon as possible and find a replacement that’s easy on the eyes. After all, why should you spend a single, miserable night alone because of the rat that broke your heart and shredded your self-esteem? Isn’t it better to shove that agony into the past and get on with your life, regardless of your recent emotional tragedy? Not really. Tempting though it may be, there are sound reasons not to rush to the next attractive person in line.
1. You Need Time to Recover.
As painful at those first few weeks may be, it’s important to give yourself time to heal, let go, and evaluate just what went wrong. Your previous relationship wasn’t put together in a day, and it won’t be untangled in one either. In this age of instant gratification, we are loath to wait for anything, and enduring the heartache necessary to the recovery process is anything but pleasant. But just as a physical wound can’t be rushed to heal, neither can your emotions.
2. Someone Ends Up Getting Hurt.
If there is going to be fallout from a rebound liaison, chances are good that you will be the one taking the brunt of it. The last thing you want to do is put yourself in the position to be wounded once again. The sooner you reenter the dating scene after a breakup, the greater the odds are that it won’t turn out to be the genuine love of your life, or even a satisfying interlude in your emotional landscape.
3. You May Still Be Angry.
The first rebound date or two may be fun, but don’t be surprised if before too long, this person reminds you ominously of the last one, and you find yourself venting your pent-up resentment in a major way at the wrong person. It stands to reason that all of that repressed hurt and frustration has to go somewhere. Make sure you’re not just searching for a stand-in for your bitterness.
4. It Makes You Vulnerable Prey.
The world is full of unsafe people who won’t hesitate to use or injure the needy. When finding a quick replacement is your priority, you make yourself extremely vulnerable to any number of humiliating or horrifying scenarios. Don’t put yourself in the danger zone. It pays to exercise caution and get to know someone before you trust them with even one evening out when you know you are overly susceptible to the attention you crave.
5. Will You Really Have Anything In Common?
When you date on the rebound, the circumstances usually dictate that you don’t have much going on except the need to be in the general vicinity of another warm body. The likelihood that the two of you will have a lot (if anything) in common is slim. Without a lot to talk about, it’s almost guaranteed that this exchange will have a sad and unfulfilled end. Patience is your friend in this case. When you are ready to finally move on you’ll be doing so from a confident position rather than a desperate one.
Beth Lenour is a writer for Seduction where you can find great tips and advice about the art of seducing your partner.