Guidelines to Date By?

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Guidelines to Date By?

I write a regular Single Mom dating blog the Musing of the LiL'Devil Mama...here's a recent post from that blog...

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While waiting for my work life to stand still for the evening, I had a great on-line chat with my former flame who I will call Mr. Nomad, who is safely snuggled up somewhere in Miami. We are going to be friends and no more benefits...mostly cause I want to do this whole Mr. S (old flame I am thinking about dating again) thing right.

We deserve that, right? Duh.

Jolene's recent post about dealbreakers and living one's life got me to thinking...

Well here's my thought process. I've worked out dealbreakers in therapy. The biggies and the little one's and the one's that I created just to protect myself from any pain or anxiety. Preventative measures like height or someones religious/political views that of course can break some couples but in reality aren't that big a deal to most. Things that were never huge stressors in my childhood and certainly not for my parents who are on opposite spectrum of those worlds and survived several White House changes. I've alienated Men in my life to based on Fear. I know, I know we've gone there before and it's been done. Blah, blah, blah. But here's where I'm going with this one. Dealbreakers...are they real?

Not that I don't agree with my homegirl Jolene and her need to be able to live her own life away from her Man. I think that is justifiable and totally necessary. It's a matter of healthy life choices for one's own sanity. However I have begun to wonder if these alleged dealbreakers are really truth or some manifested protection front that prevents us from really seeing a connection.

He's too short. He doesn't work out. He's not into the same music I am. He lives an hour away. He's a little chubby. He isn't a dog person. He doesn't want to get married right now. He's not into car sex. I could go on...and on and on.

We've all got them. Nomad has his own. This isn't a gender thing by any means. I'm starting to think it's something we do once we've been hurt or injured by a particular type of person with those traits and an attempt to weed out the bad apples from the alleged good ones. Stick with me here, it's kind of early. For example, Nomad will not date girls in a particular work related field because he feels they are too staunch and don't understand his need for exploration. Nor will he date women who need a pet, like R&B or have no desire to not partake in some form of exhibitionism. He's a doll and I heart him. But most of his dealbreakers make no sense to me. They all relate to some past heartbreak and a single person, not overall genre of woman in general.

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