The Vagina of Doom!

By

The music was blaring and the lights were multicolored pings bouncing off the walls, everyone around was dancing and I finally found a corner that wasn't a thousand degrees due to excessive cramped body heat. Yeah, I know, I signed up for a night out on the town, but in a perfect world, every club would have a maxed out a/c room and foot massager's for when my excessively high heels turned from sexy confidence enhancers to torture devices. So in this moment of quiet solitude, a boy... and I call him a boy because no man would ever be fool enough to make the statements this guy was about to make, sits down and begins the hands down worst conversation of the night. It began with the usual banter, I was not in the mood... due to said above statement, and the guy should have backed off before he'd begun, but being the persistent little boy looking for candy that he was, he proceeded. It began with the innocent, "Why are you sitting by yourself." I told him my feet needed a break, no didn't want to dance, my friends where all in visual range. He looked over at my friends and smiled, "Oh! I know Kara* she's a dancer right?" That got a smile, I love that girl! I gushed about how she's able to move like no ones business and how much I respect her dedication. This guy is about to get a second look and then... then he drops the bombshell. "yeah, she dated a few guys I know and they said she's a lousy lay, she's a total dead fish"I nearly ripped this guys head from his neck. Not only did he commit the cardinal sin of dissing on a girls friend, but he dissed on MY friend.. this was not going to be taken lightly.
 I started out simply, "Well, as you can see, she didn't find any of them worth her time either or she wouldn't be here, more likely they were selfish and she just didn't want to waste time and energy on them." I wanted to see if this was above his IQ. Apparently it was.
He continued, "No! My friends said she would just like lay there."
I mentally wondered about a)his friends b)roofies c)why this guy still had a tongue in his mouth
I continued. "Listen, your friends are idiots and from guys I know I've heard enough to know otherwise.. in fact (heehee.. little lie) I can tell you from experience that she is..." I look him slowly up and down "a thousand times better than you'd ever be" He gets a slight shocked look on his face. I go on. "Sad fact, only guys who are shitty in the sack would ever comment on a girl like that, and only guys who are beyond pitiful would think that by saying something like that, that they'd score a lay." My feet feel better, mostly due to adrenaline rushing through my veins. I stand up and walk away, in another reality I would have thrown a drink at him.. but in this one, I don't believe in wasting a drink on an idiot. 
I return to my friends and stand next to *Kara. She has a yummy looking guy flirting with her and I know she's into the moment. I don't mention what happened, never will. That's how real friendship goes. 

*duh.. name changed to protect the sexy smart wonderful and from what I've heard awesome in the sack woman I call my friend