Dear Dr. Romance,
I am in my late 20's and single. My
problem is that I am in love with a man (who is the same age as I am)
who reciprocates my feelings, but when we start getting close he backs
completely off. When we run into one another while we are out with
friends we talk and it is like we are alone in the room. I know he has
strong feelings for me, but he just won't commit. He has had troubled
relationships in the past, and I feel like those past relationships are
the reason he won't let himself stay close to me. Meanwhile, I can't
get over him and move on because every single time I think I am, I
randomly run into him (he doesn't know I am going to be there either).
I want more than anything to have a committed relationship with this
man, but I don't know how. Any suggestions???
Have you tried asking
him to do something that is non-threatening? Maybe to show you how to
do something on your computer, or to improve your workout at the gym?
Do you know what he's good at, or interested in? Does he play a
sport? What if you and a few friends showed up to watch him play a
game? Perhaps one of your friends could invite both of you to go with
a group to do something -- like a movie.
You need to find
something that says "let's be friends" and take the romantic pressure
off. He shouldn't feel pressured to commit. He doesn't know you well
enough yet. You might be scaring him off by wanting too much, too
soon. Relax, focus on being his friend, and being fun and pleasant to
be around. Read "Where is Love?" for more ideas. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will give you many ideas for non-threatening ways to get to know this man.