Rejoice! It's finally over. You got sucked in on a whim and became hopelessly addicted, but now you're finally free from the smutty shackles of Bachelor Pad! Wasn't it like serving a prison sentence at times?
All the drama, lies and hot tubs, oh my!
Last night's finale topped off the season with some real cream of the crap. First of all, is it just me, or was the entire first half just one big, incestuous advertisement for ABC. How much Dancing With The Stars could those producers stuff down our throats? Is this where reality TV is headed? Bachelor Pad: Where Brains Go To Die
With just three totally undeserving couples left, Chris Harrison (wearing white pants after Labor Day—for shame!) informs the cast their last rose challenge will be performing a dance, learned just hours earlier from a bona fide Dancing With The Stars choreographer. Dancing Can Improve Your Relationship
This freaks everyone out.
Certifiable dorks Kiptyn and Tenley are bestowed with learning the least sexy dance ever—the fox trot, from DWTS alum Chelsea Hightower. Elizabeth and Kovacs learn they will be performing the rumba from THE HOTTEST WOMAN KOVACS HAS EVER SEEN IN REAL LIFE, Edyta Sliwinska. This naturally enrages psycho Elizabeth who warned Kovacs mere moments earlier that if they had a hot instructor, she would sick a thousand banshees on his soul... or just be really mad.
Dave and Natalie rock the salsa, with choreographer Louis Van Amstel telling Natalie to stick her butt out doggie style and act as if the two are having sex. Act?
Come competition time, the teams performed the hastily learned dances for three celeb judges. And by celeb, I mean former Bachelor Jake, former Bachelorette Trista, and Melissa, who finally served a purpose for being on the show.
Kiptyn and Tenley danced first. They scored a solid 26 out of 30 and set the bar pretty high for the other couples.
Elizabeth and Kovacs totally blew it. About 10 steps in, Elizabeth blanked out and ended up looking like Baby in Dirty Dancing. She totally did NOT do the lift.
Natalie and Dave danced their tushies off, messing up only a little at the end, but looking damn fine doing it. But it was still not enough to beat America's Sweethearts, Kiptyn and Tenley. They won by two points and with it the decision on what other couple they'll be bringing to the final four.
Uh oh! What are Kiptyn America and Bambi to do? They're not built for this kind of pressure. Natalie gets right to work and sits Tenley down to get a feel for where her head is at. Tenley is at a loss. She doesn't know what to do. It's like choosing which PG film to watch on movie night!
Then Kovacs tries to convince Kiptyn that he should take him and his psycho girlfriend because they are such a terrible team, haven't won anything, and should basically just be taken out back and shot.
Finally, Kiptyn and Tenley, hand in hand, sad faces on, tell the remaining two couples how much they heart them, but end up choosing Natalie and Dave.